Whose point of view?

The Arb had an interesting post about gender identity, free speech, threats, and Germaine Greer.

I don’t write about trans issues because I don’t know enough about it, and I have zilch knowledge of it.

Similarly I don’t write about racism regarding blacks and browns and whatever other skin colour, because I’m white northern European. Nor do I write about homosexuality. Or disability. Or mental illness. I have no direct experience. The most I write on any of these issues is to say that I oppose discrimination for any societal groups, but their voice is more meaningful than mine. Or is it?

Before I continue, I need to spell out a couple of acronyms.

TERFs – Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists

FETAs – Female Excluding Trans Activists

If those terms leave you shaking your head, try trans feminism.

And an interesting article on FETA.

I don’t care what sex or gender people are. So, in the above article by FT I am the third category.

However, with my NHS hat on, I do care that a shedload of money is spent on trans ops and drugs. Just as I care that money is spent on IVF and plastic surgery.

Some years ago, one of the GPs in my health authority (HA) area approved breast enhancement for one of his patients. She wanted larger breasts so she could be a page three model. My phone did not stop ringing from press calls. And the secretary kept running in with numbers for me to call back.

He approved surgery on the grounds that she suffered low self-esteem aka potential mental health problems.

It goes without saying that I came out with the appropriate guarded comments about his decision, clinical confidential relationships, HA can’t comment on that.

But, my personal view is that, given that resources are finite, I do not see remoulding bodies or creating babies in vitro as a priority when people struggle to gain treatment and drugs for Alzheimers and cancer. Or transplants. Is body-changing surgery such a priority? Is it life or death?

Does that make me a TERF?

The big debate within radical feminism, and those of us who think we are radfems, is whether or not MtoF trans women are women. Can they adequately speak on behalf of feminists? Having spent at least the early part of their life as men, with the accompanying privilege? Did they know what it was like growing up as a girl, a young woman? No.

Trans women have a different experience. Different oppression, different discrimination, different bigotry.

Trans women often want to appear ultra female, thereby reinforcing patriarchal indoctrination. That’s not really guaranteed to get a pass from the average radfem.

I have no answer as to whether or not trans women are women. I just know they haven’t shared my experiences.

Just as men, who wish to be feminist allies, haven’t shared them either.

When I read men, talking amongst their smug little selves about feminism, and how right-on they are, I just groan.

Instead of writing your oh-so-important posts, for other men to applaud, why don’t you find something written by women and link to that?

I’m not qualified to write about many issues. But … the men are. Really? You all know and experience discrimination as women? I think not.

I don’t want to hear your views about sexism. I have my own. And my experience. Dripping patronising condescension does nothing. What are you actually doing to counteract sexism and misogyny? That would be more helpful.

One good post was Pink’s about women in French politics (too idle to link) where the women complained about being judged on their appearance.

Please men, stop telling us what you think. We’d actually like you to consider what WE think.

Posted in feminism | Tagged , , , | 155 Comments

Tea-time laughy

I occasionally check junk mail. Big mistake. Although, I did laugh. I won’t even bother with the critique. Well, just one, why are marital status and sex essential info?!

Dear Sir/Madam,

I pray this mail finds you in a state of your sound health and indomitable spirit. Please, I would like to confide in you for a business proposal for you. I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business.

This is a personal email directed to you for your personal consideration alone, I request that it remain and be treated as such only. Though this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it, because it still remains the fastest medium of communication. However, this correspondence is private, and it should be treated in strict confidence. I know it will take you by surprise to receive this information because emails like this flies over the internet telling people about funds and other things. I always receive similar offers from the internet which I normally delete because I believe they are all hoax email from scam artistes.

My name is Capt .Barry Davies, of the Engineering Unit of U.S Military here in Kabul, Afghanistan. I have good amount of Money which I want to move out of this Country. Although this may be hard for you to believe, but, we stand to share $21.3 million USD between us in a matter of days. Please grant me the benefit of doubt and hear me out. I want to inform you that I have in my possession right now the sum of $21.3 million USD and the United States Military will soon pull out completely from Afghanistan in this 2015, therefore, I have to act very fast before time runs out.

President Obama’s remarks during his recent visit to Afghanistan were focused on letting us know that our mission in Afghanistan is ending, and it is time to come home. He said that by the end of this year, America’s role in combat will be over, and the war in Afghanistan will come to a responsible end.

We acquired these funds during one of our normal Military raid in one of the Taliban’s hide out here and we decided to share the money among ourselves as our reward for all the sufferings we are going through in this evil land. It is better to use this money to better ourselves, help our respective families and also help the poor and less privileged in our societies than to leave it for these terrorist /Taliban’s to use it to acquire more weapons to continue their atrocities / killing of innocent people.

At least it is better to use these funds to safe poor women and children who are dying of Hunger on daily basis, than to allow these Taliban’s to use this money to sponsor their terrorist activities. Honestly, I cannot sleep anymore, I am so worried to achieve the finalization of this transaction for these individuals, as my part of the transaction will also be dedicated to them. I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there because Deeds, not words shall speak me. So I think our meeting is not accidental, but for a good purpose to fulfill the will of God in our lives.

To escape military awareness, I decided and deposited the money in United Nations’ Military Base Vault pending when I get a reliable Partner who will receive this Fund on my behalf. While depositing the money I declared the real content of the TRUNK BOX (Consignment) as Family Valuable Treasures. Everything is legal. I have made a concrete arrangement to move the funds out of Afghanistan as a Family Treasures to your door step in your country. The most important Question is, Can I Trust you? I will offer you 35% for your assistance, then you have to find a safe place to keep my 65% share for me before my arrival to your country, I have a good diplomatic means to send it to you safely.

If you are interested, I will furnish you with more details upon receipt of your response and contact details. I need a straight answer; YES OR NO. If yes, then let’s work, and let me have your contact details, because there is no time to waste. I must complete this before we (US ARMY) complete pull out process from Afghanistan in this 2015.Already we have started pulling out slowly.

Get back to me with your full information:

1) FULL NAME………………………

2) Address……………………………

3) AGE…………………………………


5) SEX………………………………….

6) PHONE NUMBER……………….

7) OCCUPATIONS…………………..

I have confidence that you will give your consideration to this proposal and respond positively within a short period of time. I am available to discuss this proposal with you and to answer any questions you may have in regard to this deal. I will never let you down.

Once again with humble regards to you and best wishes to all your family members along with abundant blessings from the Almighty Lord and His only son Jesus Christ coming upon each member of your family, I remain with these few words and desperately waiting for your response on this email: captbarry.davies@aim.com

Yours Sincerely,

Capt. Barry Davies.


My name is Oskar Loewe from Berlin Germany.
I’m currently hospitalized in a private hospital here in Berlin as a result
of brain cancer. My purpose of writing you is because I was led by the spirit of God to offer you the money that I have in my private account in Abroad now that is lear that I’m approaching the last days of my life.
I’m 82 year old and may not even need the money again for any thing. I’m
offering you the sum of $2.5 million us dollars as a donation for the work
of God and charity.When I hear from you, I will direct you on how to
receive the money. Please pray that God will accept my soul even if I die


Sounds like God looks after atheists after all :)

Posted in internet | 43 Comments

Do come to dinner :)

It’s always interesting when men write about becoming vegetarian/vegan, because it is really a soft soppy girly thing to do.

Real men eat meat not quiche.

At one point I was following a blog by a man who was going vegan for a year, primarily for weight loss. I don’t think he stuck at it. Believe me, what keeps you from eating animals or by-products (dairy/eggs) is ethics.

Partner has often been asked if he is vegetarian because I am. As if I could force him to change his diet because of what I choose. No he isn’t. We made a joint decision and it’s one we have both stuck to. No sneaking out for bacon sandwiches like one so-called vegetarian husband did. They weren’t married for long.

So it is refreshing to see KIA and Ark writing about being vegetarian and putting it out there in public. Especially in the light of the God Squad posts glorifying slaughtering animals for food because God. Well, God says and all that.

However Ark did manage to attract a range of bizarre comments.

He posted a pic of a cow and a calf, with the words:

I wouldn’t eat your baby so why would you want to eat mine?

So first up for arsehole comment of the month, even though there are 28 days left, was Arch with:

‘Cause it tastes great with a baked potato and a salad.

That is such a good excuse for killing something. Why didn’t I think of that?

Col says:

I think people who don’t eat meat on ‘ethical’ grounds are delusional.


The cause of being vegan is pursued by many with all the zeal of committed religionists.

Not really. I don’t knock on doors, I don’t campaign for tax relief, or impose my views on others. I don’t blog about it that often.

Why am I delusional because I choose a plant-based diet? I’m not believing in mythical deities, virgin births or stairways to heaven. I merely consider it irresponsible, lacking in compassion, and environmentally unsound to eat fish, flesh and fowl.

But, the best result is:

When it comes to food, one has to be pragmatic. If earth overpopulation reached unsustainable levels, you would be amazed how quickly a solution would come from cannibalism.

Yes, let’s eat each other :) This is an excellent solution, Col. Reduce two major world problems at once. Overpopulation and food shortage. Fantastic. ‘Please, do come round for dinner tonight, darling.’

Jason has a similar take on this one, getting rid of all the unwanted lowlifes but in his case he suggests eating animals from rescue shelters:

I do wonder how cat would taste. Utilizing unwanted pets as food would take care of all the troubles surrounding overcrowded animal shelters and animals having to be put down.

So here we have it. The perfect menu courtesy of Col and Jason. With a baked potato and salad, it may even tempt Arch.

      Cat fumé avec a few cute little mice tails garnis
      Pedigree dog soup, with Alsatian, Rottweiler and boxer, fresh from the local shelter
      Twice marinated breast of human, with a little buttock on the side


When people come out with comments like the above, I despair. There is truly no hope.

Posted in animal rights, animals, Atheism, food, humour, Religion, rescue dogs, vegan, vegetarian, vegetarianism | 175 Comments

Love, jealousy, control … abuse

Many people seem to think that if jobs are open to men and women equally, then there is no sexism.

Be quiet little women, your battle is over, it’s done.

Because people think equal opportunities for employment is all that feminism is about.

Well it’s not.

What is really damaging to women are the subtle nuances and coded messages that society exudes. These basically say:

  • Women are sex objects
  • They exist for men’s pleasure and to breed children
  • They need to be controlled and owned

There’s nothing new here. This message has been kicking around for thousands of years. And it still is. Don’t believe me?

Take this extract from an ‘erotic romance’ book. It’s the usual tall dark handsome rich type meets waif and stray and falls in love with her.

She’s a hairdresser and was having a private conversation at a party in the library with a client, discussing his homosexuality. He’s not publicly gay, hence their private conversation.

Boyfriend’s brother rings boyfriend and says ‘your girlfriend’s on her own with another man’. Incensed boyfriend arrives at party and causes havoc. Later …

“She cleared her throat. “Yeah, pretty much. I was also telling him that his father already knows about his sexuality. I sort of figured out that Caiden didn’t think his father knew he was gay and I was, you know, breaking the news to him.”
“Well, that was a compassionate thing to do,” he said, after a pause, but in a monotone voice.
“I think so,” she said with a hint of defensiveness. “I had to debate about it for a bit.”
Damian continued, “So I want you to know that I appreciate how sweet you are. What a good person you are—”
Angie could feel it coming. “But?”
“But, the thing is, I don’t give a rat’s ass if he’s gay. Granted, the fact that he’s gay is the only thing that saved him from going to the emergency room tonight, but as far as you’re concerned, you can’t be alone with him. Him or any other gay man. You got that?”
“Why?” she questioned.
“Why?” he asked as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.
“Yes, why?”
His fingers tightened in her scalp. “Because gay men have penises. They have balls.” His voice hardened, “Too many of them are bisexual. Trust me, if any woman in the world could turn a gay man straight, it would be you, baby.”
Angie stood within his grasp and listened in amazement. It was obvious to her that his opinion came from a heterosexual viewpoint. A very hetero viewpoint. So hetero that he was unable to see that gay men were just that, gay. She could try to explain it to him, she could argue that just as he wasn’t sexually interested in other men, gay men weren’t sexually interested in women. But the problem was, Angie knew it would go in one ear and out the other. Damian wouldn’t get it. Not because he wasn’t intelligent, but because he was so male.
She remained silent as all of that ran through her head and he continued, “Besides, let’s talk about the party for a minute.” His mouth flattened. “Suppose a straight man saw you walk off with him, undoubtedly to be alone. Suppose that straight man didn’t know the guy was gay. You know what he would think?”
“What would he think?” she asked, wondering at the depth of how Damian’s mind worked.
“He’d think that you were up for grabs. He’d think that maybe he had a chance at you, too.” His expression clouded in anger. “So, next thing you know, you’ve got straight men hitting up on you because they think you’re available.”
“Be careful, Angie,” he warned softly.
“You’re taking this a little too far,” she argued.
“Am I?”
She nodded her head.
“I don’t think so.” His chin jutted out. “I’m telling you how I feel, I’m telling you what I expect.” He pushed forward, his torso aligning with hers in a sharp movement. “And I’m telling you that you can’t be alone with any man. Not one. Not a single fucking man is acceptable.”
“My father—”
“Fine. Your father,” he spit out. “If I ever meet him, I’ll have to trust him not to be a perverted fuck. But nobody else. Gay is not an excuse to be alone with a man, already married is for damn fucking sure not an excuse. No-fucking-body gets to be alone with you, understand me?”
She stared at him and he kept talking. “If I catch you alone with a man again, I’m going to beat the living shit out of him, and you—”
“What about me, Damian?”

Now, what is wrong with this scenario is that our rich hero is nothing more than a jealous, untrusting, controlling, possessive bastard. Just because he is rich and has a big penis does not make it all right.

Did our heroine tell him he shouldn’t meet privately with his sister, his step-sister, his mother, his secretary, or any woman? Of course she didn’t.

Because in real life, where waifs and strays don’t marry men with mega bucks and mega cocks, these sort of men abuse women, mentally and physically. The women end up nervous wrecks, are not allowed to go out, and if they are lucky, they escape to a shelter.

Yet, authors (?) churn out this tat because it sells. Women have been fed the fairy tale about the handsome prince from day one. The handsome prince who will love us, cherish us, provide for us … and control us. And it is perpetuated in these sort of books. Because, dear reader, he marries her – of course – and they live happily ever after with twins in his condo and his mansion. She doesn’t end up in the shelter. Why ruin the fairy tale?

Relationships should be based on trust, not control.

If I’m gadding around Cherbourg with Roger, does my partner care? Or if he’s having coffee with a woman friend while shopping what’s it to me? He can have coffee with twenty women if I don’t have to shop.

But telling a woman she can’t be alone with another man? That isn’t love. That is very scary nasty manipulation on the psychotic disorder scale. And presenting it as romantic is equally weird.

This isn’t an isolated example. These portrayals of male/female relationships are everywhere, in books, in films, in life.

It’s not easy bucking the trend. If nothing else however, all women should stay away from any man who bans her from being alone with another man..

Posted in feminism, Sexism | Tagged , , , , , , , | 71 Comments

Right, said Fred, these vegetarians have to go

Roughseas, If I may. There are a growing number of vegetarians among Jewish people, especially in Israel. In Genesis, God originally gave a vegetarian diet, but modified it to allow for changing world conditions. I was vegetarian for many years and only recently gave it up in order to simplify my, and my daughter’s, lifestyle. It can be a pain for others when someone insists on vegetarianism at family functions, office outings, etc. Also, as a single dad I am not the best chef in the world and it takes thought and dedication ( and money! ) to prepare healthy and balanced veggie meals.


Well, it goes along with religion which is unbelievable.

I find this comment grossly insulting and offensive.

It can be a pain for others when someone insists on vegetarianism at family functions, office outings, etc.

Really? Just really? Why?

Why is it a pain to respect someone else’s opinion/choices/ethics?

How about, I check out Jewish holidays before I hold meetings to respect people’s (to me) ridiculous beliefs? No meetings on Yom Kippur or Shukkat. Or Shabbat. Or we turn on the neighbour’s fridge on Saturday because they can’t. Or we take phone calls for neighbours when they aren’t allowed. Or we make sure a job is finished in time for sundown, or, or, or.

So when some Jewish convert says vegetarians are a pain because they don’t want to eat dead animals, then quite frankly, I think he is an absolute tosser.

Does he eat non-kosher food? Is it a pain to provide kosher food? What happens when he eats out?

Incidentally, Tivoli produces an interesting range of vegetarian kosher food.

In fact, I’ve written before that providing vegan food meets most dietary requirements, as long as gluten-free, nut-free is taken into consideration.

And how does giving up vegetarianism simplify a lifestyle?

Ever visited India? You would find a very simple lifestyle there with a vegetarian thali I tell you.

it takes thought and dedication ( and money! ) to prepare healthy and balanced veggie meals

Thought, dedication, and money? Balanced meals? That applies to everyone.

Yes, perhaps it does need thought and dedication. Money no. Plenty of poor people live on vegetarian diets.

As for balance, I’ve just spent the last few days living a basic Spanish pobre diet. Legumes for the main meal, a salad for evening meal.

It’s cheap, it’s not difficult, and it is surprisingly edible.

Fred, you win the arsehole comment of the week award. Don’t disrespect others. You may find they will disrespect you.

PS I just love how ‘God’ allows for ‘changing world conditions’. Shall I start on that one?

And it’s the pharisee blog or whatever it’s called. All this mumbo jumbo is the same to me.

Posted in animal rights, Atheism, food, vegan, vegetarian, vegetarianism | Tagged , , , | 53 Comments

Homophobia in Gib

One of the reasons people say they dislike Gibraltar is that it is so small, everyone knows everyone else’s business.

Chatting to one of our many neighbours, a Gibraltarian told Partner how he’d been friends in his youth with some people who were gay.

His father and his grandfather found out (remember, Gibraltar is a small place) and it was made quite clear to him that he had to choose between his friends and his family. Actually, I don’t think he was given a choice. He had one course of action. Especially if he wanted any family inheritance.

Years later and he reflected that his long-since abandoned gay friends had ‘done well’ in life, ie ‘well’ financially and professionally, and better than him. But, how did those gay friends feel 30 or 40 years ago when people who they thought were friends broke off those friendships and shunned them? How did it feel to be socially ostracised and sent to Coventry?

We’re in the second decade of the 21st century. Homosexuality was only decriminalised here in 1993. We do not have same sex marriage. In 2013 the Supreme Court of Gibraltar ruled in favour of same sex couples adopting, and last year (2014) couples could have a legal civil union. But still no marriage.

Yet, the UK has same sex marriage, immediate Catholic neighbour Spain legalised it in 2005, and our other Iberian neighbour Portugal legalised it in 2010. So why is Gibraltar dragging its feet?

But in an interview (originally published in the Gib Chron, and now available on the website for Equality Rights Group GGR), it seems Gibraltar still suffers from homophobia:

Gibraltar has been and still is a homophobic place. As a gay person this is my perception. While some may be tired of the rights debate, let me tell you, I am even more tired. For me this isn’t something of a whim, it’s about love and fairness. I want what you have, is that such a bad thing? As a straight person, would you accept and settle for a Civil Partnership because that’s all you’re allowed and not aspire to what the rest enjoys?

I am 38 years old and homophobia has played a big part in my life and even so I count myself lucky compared to others. When I was an adolescent I thought I would go to prison for being gay when I grew up. Homosexuality was only decriminalised here in 1993 when I was 16. Not only did I have to deal with feeling alone and isolated, the messages in society told me there was something wrong with me, that I was an aberration, an abomination. I felt I would never be able to be who I was.

At 18 I went to university and discovered there were people like me and they were just as ordinary as I was. I felt normal. I had escaped and even though I looked forward to seeing my family on the holidays returning to Gibraltar was always accompanied by a sense of oppression. Similarly many friends who also came out while being in the UK decided to stay there.

You don’t need to be beaten up to a pulp, lynched, spat on or be shouted abuse, live in a Christian fundamentalist country like Uganda where gays face life imprisonment, or under the Islamic State’s controlled lands where gay men are killed in horrific ways for it to be homophobia. It comes in many different guises.

I am very aware that some will take exception at saying that there is homophobia in Gibraltar. It is easy for them to say, they have not had to walk in my shoes.

It’s a good interview, well worth the read, he makes some salient points (eg TV panels discussing SSM), and explains very rationally and calmly, the discrimination that gay people have suffered and continue to suffer.

[If you read it, please note Jersey and Guernsey and Crown Dependencies, not British Overseas Territories.]

I don’t see homophobia here, but I wouldn’t, I’m not gay. We’ve worked for gays here in Gib and they are, amazingly, just people like everyone else. And, if people want to marry, everyone should have that right. Everyone.

Posted in Atheism, christianity, love | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

Are religious people mad, crazy, insane?

Well, hand on heart, my simple answer is yes, but is anything in life simple?

But before the fundy squad stones me, Violet and Sirius ban me, just wait.

Over on Violet’s she asked me to try and explain what’s wrong with calling religious people mad:

Oh wow! I didn’t realise I was so utterly rubbish at explaining things. You are still talking about something that isn’t related to either the original post or what I’ve continued to attempt to clarify. I seriously can’t imagine what the disconnect is. I wonder if someone like Roughseas would be kind enough to look over the conversation and try and word it in a way that you (and Ark, it seems) can understand.

But then later seemed to retract:

I’d be interested to hear your take on it. After I appealed for your help, I looked back on the post and saw you took something similar from it as Ark and Tildeb in your comment, so although I hope you might see it from the other side, I’ll brace myself for another attack. :)

It’s too long for a reply, so Violet, Tildeb and Ark, here you go.

My problem is, that I agree with all of you – to some extent. Patience please and don’t jump to conclusions.

Scenario A

My neighbour believes in fairies and they come to see him every night above their special fairy ring. They glow in the dark and have created a rather sad looking brown circle in the garden.

Myself, I see a Labrador that likes to pee in the same spot and a few glow worms.

Scenario B

Another neighbour has a rather nice oak tree down the bottom of his garden with intricate whorls and knots. He can see a face in there, and when the wind blows, the ancient tree god speaks to him.

Scenario C

My third neighbour has a relationship with some guy she read about in a book. She is his bride. He died for her and came back to life to save her, because she was born full of sin. He speaks to her every day in her head. She has never met him. She has no proof that he ever existed.


There isn’t even an oak tree or a fairy ring to justify this last one. At least they had something.

However Neighbour C is regarded by society as perfectly OK with her loopy beliefs whereas A and B are thought to be sixpence short of a shilling. Neighbour C’s strange beliefs are accepted as the norm because most people allegedly believe the same.

So dear readers, where is the difference?

All these neighbours believe in something intangible that others can’t see. Two are regarded as slightly strange, the other is a bona fide member of society.

Not only that, Neighbour C could be a president or prime minister, think Bush (USA), Blair (UK), or currently in Aus, Abbott.

After all, the Christian god did tell Bush to end the tyranny in Iraq didn’t he? ‘Go George boy, go git ’em!’ Or words to that effect.

I’ll surprisingly quote the Christian Science Monitor from an article in 2015 looking at among other things, the number of Americans who still believed there really were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. (Some 40%)

In other words, in a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it’s comforting to have reasons and answers, even if they are wrong.

A neat quote to encapsulate religious beliefs. Thank you CSM.

So, is it fair to call people who have invisible friends mad? If we want them clinically diagnosed as such, it’s certainly going to bust every single health care system there is.

After all, just going to church and minding your own business isn’t causing any harm is it?

Is it?

One of Ark’s principle gripes is the indoctrination of children. I was pretty stunned to read this last week about someone embracing Jesus as their saviour at four. Four! And another mother was pleased her four-year-old had accepted Jesus at the same age. Hell. Four years old and my saviour was good dog Tarquin, without a doubt. He was real.

What about David wanting to teach the fundamental view of creation alongside science classes as a genuine historical and scientific perspective of how life began?

Or American states pushing the same agenda in schools?

This stops being harmless. And that’s before we’ve even got into abortion, contraception, women’s rights, LGBTQ rights or anyone who doesn’t go to church’s rights. Let alone bombing the infidels.

So what do we call these people who believe in make-believe and want to impose their view on others? Apart from dangerous?

Let’s flip to the other side.

On my recent abortion post, David accused John of being a kleptomaniac and having OCD. Pink said David had special needs.

Pink apologised to people with special needs, David didn’t apologise. In fact, he compounded it by saying:

There was only a literary demonstration, not an actual accusation. It was the purposeful mis framing of a question to demonstrate the nature of their false premise. Not at all uncivil, but rather an old demonstration. (E.g. “When did you quit beating your wife”)

Just. Groan. No David, those are not appropriate literary demonstrations at all. JFC.

My gripe about those comments wasn’t that the people being insulted couldn’t handle it, it was more insulting to people who have those behaviours and can do nothing about it. Apart from seek clinical help. Let alone the reference to wife-beating. Love the fundy rhetoric hey?

This is the problem with calling religious people crazy in colloquial language. Sure it’s crazy to a lot of us, but it trivialises people who do have a genuine mental health illness and have been clinically diagnosed with depression or ADHD or schizophrenia or whatever.

The two are not the same. While ever religion and specifically, Christianity, is accepted, and even seen as desirable (yuk) it is unfair to use insults that do hurt people who are mentally ill, in whatever way. It’s a throwaway insult. It may mean nothing to us to say someone is mad, it means a lot to the person who has been told they are, perhaps even more so to the one who is/was religious or who doesn’t know what to believe.

In a perfect world, yes, Christianity would be deemed totally nuts. Nutty as a fucking fruit cake. But we don’t live there.

So, in the meantime, I think we should have some respect for people who don’t like being demeaned by having Christian beliefs compared with their clinical condition.

Let’s not confuse the two. However much we think religious people are truly off the wall. It’s not the same, at least not in clinical terms. Yet.

Last word goes to Sirius, who has one of the most readable, lucid and thoughtful blogs I visit. I think, when we consider how to describe Christians and other religious zealots we should consider his views. It’s him we’re insulting not the fuckwit with the bible.


Posted in Atheism, christianity, Religion, writing | Tagged | 141 Comments


Or rather, Attaboys. Worthy of a Sun headline perhaps? On the lines of Gotcha. (A reference to the sinking of the ARA Belgrano by the RN in 1982.)

Readers will know I’m among the first to denounce endless unnecessary military invasions, invariably by American-led forces under the guise of humanitarian aid or mythical WMD.

But I have to say, had I been on the Thalys train from Amsterdam to Paris on Friday, I would have been thanking my lucky stars for the intervention, courage and presence of mind of the three Americans who tackled the gun-toting Moroccan.

All credit to Spencer Stone, Aleksander Skarlatos and Anthony Sadler, and Briton Chris Norman for their bravery.

And rightly so, they’ve been commended by presidents and prime minsters Obama, Cameron, Hollande, and Valls, and received bravery medals from the Mayor of Arras, Leturque.

Stone was attacked with a Stanley knife by the gunman, and was taken to hospital with serious injuries to his hand.

Meanwhile, train staff were barricading themselves behind a steel door and leaving passengers and the gunman to get on with it. Because, let’s be honest, train staff aren’t usually trained to deal with gunmen. So who does deal with them?

Belgium’s prime minister, Charles Michel, announced that Franco-Belgian security patrols would be beefed up on Thalys trains, which link Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam and Cologne.

This includes increased patrols and baggage checks at international stations.

Because, the Moroccan said he just happened to find a bag of weapons:

the suspect has told police officers he is not a terrorist but intended to rob the Thalys passengers at gunpoint having found the weapons “by chance in a park in Brussels”.

Yeah right.

But do security patrols and baggage checks really do it?

Back in 1984 I travelled all the way round the world with my Swiss Army Knife on my person. Apart from anything else, it had the keys to the padlocks on my rucksack on it. When I got to NZ, it was a big no, and it went in a special bag, returned to me when I got off the plane. Weird. That was one journey out of more than a dozen. No one else had any interest in it.

The last time I got on a ferry, Brittany Ferries, Plymouth to Cherbourg, they had introduced luggage scanning. As ever, appearances count. The staff apologised to me for making me wait while they checked the luggage of the long-haired man in front. I was in non-rucksack mode and looking relatively smart.

One can envision the day when planes, trains and ships have armed guards, in true sci-fi mode. Buses too. Maybe even the little buses around Gib? No conductors because they’re a thing of the past, just armed guards and a driver, well maybe a driver, maybe not. Payment will be by card/chip anyway. No evil cash.

Again back in 1984, I was horrified boarding the sleeper from Bombay (as was) to New Delhi. The first person I saw on the train was a guard, holding a rifle! A rifle? What on earth for? I made my way to the ladies-only compartment still in shock.

During the night, male family joined the Indian women in our compartment to eat the evening meal, but then left, and at curfew time, we locked the door, to dream of bandits and armed guards fighting it out as we slept soundly behind that safe, secure door.

There’s a difference however, between a deterrent to bandits trying to board a train, and a passenger with a Kalashnikov and other weapons, who is already on board.

And the cost. What’s the cost benefit analysis? What price fare increases? Still, armed guards might provide much-needed employment. Always assuming the employees aren’t trigger-happy terrorists anyway.

The future sadly, seems to be easily scripted. Tracking of all legal citizens, retina scans, and at some point there will be no need to microchip cards because we’ll be chipping people, as we already do animals. Although one can always get them taken out. Private security forces will be everywhere. Freedom of movement will be restricted.

The question is however, would this dystopian future have always happened, regardless of some religious-based form of terrorism?

News source: The Grauniad

Posted in europe, life, news, politics, travel, War | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 48 Comments

Abortion – some facts and history

Abortion became legal in the UK when I was a child – 1967.

I grew up with tales of knitting needles, bottles of gin, and hot baths. The amateur method of choice for pregnant women who didn’t want to give birth, for whatever reason. Their only other alternative was a back-street abortionist who may, or may not, have been a qualified doctor.

As abortion raises temperatures and inspires much rhetoric, much of it from people who seem to want to tell women what to do with their bodies, I thought a look at some history and some facts might be worthwhile. Sources listed below.


Firstly, and hardly surprisingly, given the Christian god’s approval of abortion in the Old Testament, records show that the church was not against abortion. Please note, NOT, against abortion.

Do I need to repeat that?

The first references to abortion in English law appeared in the 13th Century. The law followed Church teaching that abortion was acceptable until ‘quickening’, which, it was believed, was when the soul entered the foetus. The legal situation remained like this for centuries.

For the benefit of those slow on maths, the church was accepting abortion in the 1200s. That’s 800 years ago. And, as it was before the Reformation, we are talking the Catholic Church here. So no, Catholic Church, you have not always opposed abortion.

It wasn’t until the nineteenth century that the law surrounding abortion suddenly became much tighter, and women in Great Britain and America found their freedom of access to abortion severely restricted.

In 1803, the Ellenborough Act introduced the death penalty (or transportation) for performing, attempting, or causing an abortion post ‘quickening’.

And by 1837, the act was amended to remove the quickening distinction so all abortions became illegal.

In 1861 performing an abortion or trying to self-abort carried the mere sentence of life imprisonment.

By 1929 a new act was established, making it a crime to kill a viable foetus ie 28 weeks. The law was vague about the position pre 28 weeks.

Thousands of women resorted to back-street abortionists, permanently damaging their health or dying. Newspapers advertised cures for ‘menstrual blockages’, but women knew they were abortifacients. Many of these were ineffective and were also poisonous; one of the cheapest, a lead-based potion, poisoned and blinded many women.


Fifteen per cent of maternal deaths were due to illegal abortion.

“In the thirties, my aunt died self-aborting. She had three children and couldn’t feed a fourth … So she used a knitting needle. She died of septicaemia leaving her children motherless.”

Well, that’s really helpful isn’t it?

On 27 April 1938 a girl of fourteen was raped. She was taken to see Dr Joan Malleson, a member of the medico-legal council of the Abortion Law Reform Association, who contacted a fellow council member, Dr Aleck Bourne, obstetric surgeon to St Mary’s Hospital. He replied:

I shall be delighted to take her in at St. Mary’s and curette her. I have done that before and shall not have the slightest hesitation in doing it again. I have said that the next time I have the opportunity I will write to the Attorney-General and invite him to take action.

On 31 May, the girl was taken to see Dr Bourne by her mother. A letter of consent to the proposed operation was then obtained from her father. Bourne then saw Dr Wingate, a resident obstetric officer at St Mary’s and informed him of his reasons for operating, namely that the girl was under the age of consent and had been raped. On 6 June she was admitted to the hospital. A pregnancy test proved positive.

Don’t you love the small print where a letter of consent was needed from the father? We’ve still got men owning women back in 1938.

More on this:

In a landmark case, Dr. Alex Bourne was acquitted of having performed an illegal abortion. He believed that abortion should be legal in exceptional circumstances and, most courageously, admitted having performed an abortion for a gang-raped 14-year-old who was suicidal. He argued that the law did permit abortion before 28 weeks and did allow abortion when a woman’s mental or physical health was in danger. The court agreed that this was a life-threatening situation and acquitted Dr Bourne. As a result some women were able to get a safe abortion. However, uncertainty remained as a psychiatrist’s approval was needed. It was usually only educated and/or relatively wealthy women who had the resources to find, and pay for, a compliant psychiatrist.

Ironically after aborting the teenager’s child he became a pro-life activist.

But let’s remember this:

In 14 June 1938, Bourne was arrested after performing an operation without fee at St Mary’s Hospital to terminate the pregnancy of six weeks of a 14-year-old girl who had been sexually assaulted by five off-duty British soldiers, officers in the Royal Horse Guards, in a London barracks

Can you imagine that? A 14-year-old raped by five soldiers?

And sexually assaulted? Faulty language there. Try rape. Rape results in pregnancy.

But let’s look at how other women managed:

The most common advice for getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy was gin and a hot bath. Many unmarried pregnant women who knew little of contraceptives knew about the old ‘gin and a hot bath’ remedy. Though many were unclear on how much gin to take, whether or not a hot bath was also required, and whether the gin itself should also be hot. One doctor’s medical advice after confirming a woman’s pregnancy was, ‘have some gin and a hot bath, perhaps try falling down the stairs a few times.’

Some were offered douche cans by their doctors, or acquired them on their own, but the douching failed to bring about miscarriage. Others mentioned knitting needles and crochet hooks, though they did not attempt these methods. Abortifacient suggestions were quietly passed between desperate women, which beyond those mentioned above also included pennyroyal, salts, slippery elm bark, leeches, deliberate injury (such as falling down stairs), caustic soap and syringe.

Then there was slippery elm and the leech. The leech you’d put inside you and then it would attack the womb, and open the womb up, and of course you’d lose the baby then. I know one of my aunties done it.

And anti-abortionists want women to go back to leeches, knitting needles, crochet hooks, hot baths and gin, or throwing themselves down the stairs?

This was the reality of illegal abortions.

In 1967 in the UK, Liberal MP David Steel put forward a private member’s bill to make abortion legal. It was passed. There have been repeated attempts to reduce the time limit but essentially, his bill is still pretty much in place. I remember his bill, and I remember the attempts to change it, trying to influence what could happen to my body. Why was it their business? Why?

Some stats:

In 2014, there were 185,000 abortions, for residents of England and Wales. Plus, another 5,000, mostly from NI. (All figures rounded up/down)

Most abortions were carried out under 13 weeks and medically rather than surgically.

Repeat abortions accounted for 37% of the procedures.

The rate was highest for women aged 22.

Girls under 16 accounted for 2,400 abortions.

Yet, of these approx 700 were to girls aged under 15, and similarly, just more than 700 were to women over 45. Different ends of the spectrum, but both in the same boat.

Eighty per cent of abortions were for single women.

Ethnicity is also recorded. Most abortions were for white women, but for repeat abortions, Black/Black British women accounted for nearly half.

Most repeat abortions were for older women.


But let’s move on and look at Europe. From a World Health Organisation Report:

Belarus, Bulgaria, the Czech Republic, Hungary, Poland, the Republic of Moldova, Romania, the Russian Federation, Slovakia and Ukraine have the highest estimated abortion rates in the world. In 2003 there were more abortions than live births: 103 abortions per 100 births.

Nevertheless, eastern Europe has seen a dramatic decline in abortion incidence. It was estimated to be 90 per 1000 women of childbearing age in 1995 and 44 by 2004. The decrease coincided with substantial increases in contraceptive use in the region.

Legal restrictions on abortion do not affect its incidence; women seek desperate measures if they cannot obtain safe abortions. Data from Romania revealed that, when termination of pregnancy was banned by the Ceausescu regime, maternal mortality was more than 20 times higher than today.

Unsafe abortion kills. [my bold] Much has been done to improve abortion services in the Region, but up to 30% of maternal deaths are still caused by unsafe abortion in some countries of eastern Europe and central Asia.

The cost of conducting a safe abortion is up to one tenth of the cost of treating the consequences of an unsafe abortion.

And looking worldwide?

Well Eastern Europe comes out poorly as cited above, Northern/Western Europe does well and:

The abortion rate in the United States declined by 8% between 1996 and 2003 to 21 per 1,000 women, but remained higher, and in some cases substantially higher, than the rates in many Northern and Western European countries. However, within the United States, abortion levels differed widely by racial or ethnic group. In 2000, the abortion rate was 12% among white women, 31% among Hispanic women and 57% among black women.

Here’s an interesting conclusion:

Studies have demonstrated that abortion levels are strongly linked to contraceptive use patterns.


Blow me down with a feather. I never would have thought it.








And for blogging posts, here’s one from Violet, and yet another lurid one from

David which suggests that the biggest proponent of birth control (Sanger) in America was pro-abortion. Takes all sorts.

Posted in feminism, Religion | Tagged | 263 Comments

On the use of inflammatory language

I am a moth to a flame when it comes to a post decrying poor use of language. So I was irresistibly drawn to John Zande’s post about an evangelical who was proclaiming the ‘correct’ use of language for abortion.

Not only did we have language, we have feminism too!

Ironically, the OP quoted by John, moans about ‘political correctness’ but then proceeds to assert his own definition of the correct language regarding abortion. In simple words, abortion is murder.

Regardless of anyone’s personal views about abortion, as John said, this language is inaccurate based on law, science, medicine.

Or to dumb it right down, a foetus is not a person, a child, a baby, a human being. Unless your religion tells you it is. And you don’t agree with a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body.

There are times I wish men got pregnant. I really do. Not to mention having periods.

I looked at David’s ‘About’ page, and followed his linky about how he became a fundy Christian and was intrigued with some journalism claims.

Dad was a journalist in the Air Force, who served in Public Affairs with the FAA after his military service.


I graduated high school, worked at the Sheriff’s office, and did courses at community college. My journalism instructor introduced me to broadcasting and got really interested in it, so I joined the Air Force and served in Armed Forces Radio & Television Service.

I asked about this on his post about correct and accurate language.

Did either of you gain any experience outside the armed forces or gain any national qualifications? I ask, because you are clearly aware of the power of words. But, had I ever used such grossly inaccurate and incorrect terminology in any of my jobs in government public relations or private sector journalism, then I would at least have got a carpeting and at worst, got the sack.

One of the paramount rules for journalism is NOT to let personal opinion influence one’s reporting, whether political, religious or whatever. Objectivity is our aim.

Your proposal for use of language here totally negates that and seeks to impose your religious perspective over and above the law and science. That is neither accurate or correct.

His reply:

I wanted to address the journalism angle, first. My father served in Public Affairs in the US Air Force, as well as being a deputy public affairs officer for the FAA. He wrote under the rules of the “journalism code”. I took journalism in my sophomore year of undergrad. From the inside, it looks like a fair-minded way of discourse. I remember thinking that way.

OK. So neither of them were qualified journalists or worked outside the armed forces or related, (FAA), according to that.

Then we have:

From the outside, it operates like a bunch of people who have only 1-side of a story they are allowed to tell. The only competition is how much higher one liberal reporter can stack talking points when compared to the other. I am grateful that I don’t have to attempt journalism, because my faith and convictions would never allow me a moment’s success.

Whoa! Whoa! What part of objectivity did you miss? Admittedly current day journalism leaves a lot to be desired, but I’m talking about reporting factually about something and presenting those facts honestly without bias.

Nice piece of patronisation here:

It seems like you come from a liberal/secular worldview, so you may not know how the other half of the country thinks and speaks. I vividly remember thinking the right-wing Christians entire worldview was nuts. I know the liberal mindset, because I had it. You know my background well enough to know that I realize how to detect spin – I made my living in it.

Truth is, I am totally confused about how America thinks. All of it. Let alone one half. But I did know about how my country thought. From rich to poor. The good thing about growing up in the UK was that no one put labels like that on you. Because no one gives a shit about your religion.

But spin. No, you are now making your living in it David. Religion is nothing but spin. An amateur PR person in the armed forces is not a professional spin officer. I, on the other hand, worked as a government public relations officer. I did make a living in what came to be called spin.

Apparently I am easily influenced.

I believe you genuinely believe what you are saying, but I also believe your thinking has been infused by liberal spin.

Try this:

I believe you genuinely believe what you are saying, but I also believe your thinking has been infused by religious spin.

Sadly spin has become a misused word, just like the words political correctness. When I started out in government PR, it was only just starting to bubble above the surface. Think, Bernard Ingham, all you old Brits.

But clever PR is about telling the truth without lying or misrepresentation. I cringed when I had to answer questions about Rechem and dioxins to the Sunday People. Every time there was a nuclear incident, and the odd radioactive flask went missing, I was the calm reassuring voice. When I was on call at night, it was down to me. Try dealing with the Herald of Free Enterprise capsizing (1987) and killing 193 people when all you have is a telephone landline to call people out of hours who might not answer. That’s not spin, or fluffy stories, that’s dealing with death and saying what the government is going to do about it.

And this, is why, I take exception to people deliberately misusing language. Did I try to paint my employer in the best light? Uh, yes. That was my job. Did I lie? No.

It seems some people can’t tell the difference between lies and damned lies.

Posted in christianity, feminism, journalism, Religion | 109 Comments

Raggy trousers part dos

Such a dilemma.

Animals or people. Animal rights, people rights. Dead lions, dead elephants, well just dead animals really.

What to write about?

Jo posted a nice one about it all and the hypocrisy surrounding okay to kill these animals and eat them, but not other animals.

Anyway, for once human rights win out, so I’m not joining the poor dead hunted game animals rantalogue for once. I’ll write about people.

People. The ones who also deserve a few rights. Maybe.

Partner has been working nights. In pubs. When they are shut because greedy landlords don’t want to close during the day and lose money, so he does the graveyard shift, starting around 11/11.30 and comes home some time after 6 am.

Firms won’t touch this sort of work. It incurs treble time. Partner is lucky to get ten pounds an hour. He struggles to get that during the day.

Meanwhile, I’m scouring the Internet for work in Gib and notice a couple of items. A cleaner. Charges ten pounds an hour. She holds the key for five apartments. My partner has a five year apprenticeship and trade qualifications. He can tell you more about chemical properties of paint and related things than I can with my chemistry O level.

People do not want to clean. Amazing. They will pay anything not to clean. They won’t pay for decorators though.

A Portuguese guy on the Internet wants a job so that he doesn’t go home as a failure. Gee whizz. Plenty of Gibbos want jobs too. Sadly, my heart is not breaking for you. The Gibraltarian market is over-saturated as it is.

Apparently someone else on the Gib Internet is really cheap. Only charges £25 an hour for handy person jobs. I wish. I can’t even get that for editing.

(NUJ recommended rate £27 an hour.)

Still, back to the pub job as was. Take down pictures, repaint, and rehang them.

Except when it came to rehanging, the pictures weren’t safe. The fixings weren’t secure. The screws were broken.

Basically, they could have fallen on staff or public. This was a big safety issue.

I suggested the boss might want to get his maintenance team to sort it. Done.

But next day, handyman was busy. Instead, we should do it as part of the job.

Just to explain, rehanging in the same position is not the same as repositioning and drilling four new holes per frame. So that was a no. Repositioning was an extra.

He refused to pay extras for the work.

I told Partner to take his tools off the job and walk.

Partner paid his employee for two nights work. Out of our pocket, obviously.

Speaking to people, some said, you should always pay your staff. Others said, if I wasn’t paid, they don’t get paid.

I must be getting extremely old and out of the game. As far as I am concerned if someone agrees to work for us they get paid. Our issues are not their’s. If they carry out the work, they get paid. Simple? Maybe not these days. And surely, safety is a priority?

But while the world continues to corrupt itself, we exist in our microcosm of morality.

Ragged trousered philanthropists

Posted in animal rights, animals, internet, life, work | Tagged , | 36 Comments

Colonial fans

It’s summertime and it’s aircon time.

Except in our block.

A couple of the rented flats have it, but it doesn’t work. They (British) are most disappointed. After all it is sooooo hot here at not even thirty degrees. The Vamp living above has just had it put in.

‘The aircon doesn’t work,’ say the rentees to us. Well so what? And, none of our business. Not a block management issue.

Did you take the lease on with fully functioning aircon?

Try getting that out of the people you are renting from.

‘Can’t you put aircon in our block?’ said one of the younger residents whose parents own the flat.

‘Er, no. That’s up to you to put it in your flat.’

Some years ago, a few houses in our pueblo had it installed, when everyone had a few euros still.

Aircon = huge electricity bills.

Aircon, as I learned in Australia, means you have to take warm clothes with you to go to work, because it is freezing in the office and when you get outside your body has to adjust to roasting temperatures.

And while home aircon units aren’t associated with legionella I spent too long dealing with outbreaks to regard aircon kindly. Reminds me of recycled smoke in airplanes.

So, no, we don’t have aircon.

We have switched on fans occasionally. Primarily to keep mosquitoes at bay at night in preference to nasty chemical implants polluting the atmosphere and my lungs.

And, when we bought Gibflat, it had one of those gorgeous Somerset Maugham ceiling fans.

Sooo, colonial. Sooo exotic.

Sooo Apocalypse Now.

Aircon just doesn’t have the same ambience.

Credits to napalm, Coppola, Conrad, and The Doors.

Posted in environmentalism, life, music | Tagged , , , , , , | 92 Comments

Victim blaming (regarding rape)

While I will agree with you entirely, RS, that no crime against persons is excusable, still there are precautions that one can take. If I were to walk down a dark alley in a major metropolitan city, with hundred-dollar bills hanging out of my pocket, I wouldn’t feel entirely blameless if I were robbed.

That is one of the most crass comparisons I have heard for some time. Don’t leave it all hanging out girl/woman or you’ll get touched/assaulted/raped. Your fault.

Of course. If I walk down the street, or in a quiet secluded area, showing my legs, arms, hands, ankles, eyes, some of my breasts, just basically any part of my body, I wouldn’t feel entirely blameless if I was raped.

Because, it’s always up to a woman to avoid being raped.

How many times do women have to say,


Michelle said it beautifully.


So, what should women do?

Precautions that one can take?

Cover up from head to toe? Not wear summer clothing? Not go out alone? At night? At all? Maybe need a male escort? Hello Islam.

There is, strangely, a difference between walking around with money hanging out of your pockets and being a woman walking down the street.

Or at least, there is from a woman’s perspective. Perhaps not from a man’s.

If you don’t understand why this is a blatant example of sexism and patriarchy then, please go do your homework.

Posted in feminism | Tagged , , , | 66 Comments

Happy birthdays

Are such fun as we age.

Gone are the days of cards dropping through the letterbox, or here on the Iberian peninsula, appearing in an external mailbox.

No. One gets an email from one’s not so nearest and definitely not so dearest.

Making a flippant comment on someone else’s blog about being up early for my birthday, I immediately got a personalised visual greeting on there. Three others wished me birthday greetings on the same blog.

One also sent me an email with a lovely handmade personalised image.

These are all people I haven’t met, apart from on the blogosphere. But polite, friendly, and thoughtful.

Meanwhile … back in the real world … a friend sent a greeting at 12.20 am the day after (ie today). Technically late, but as he lives in the UK, not late in his world. It was chatty and fun and sent me happily off to sleep.

Today … my ‘best friend’ from university finally wrote. I’ve known her for thirty eight years.

Happy Birthday yesterday, darling. You were in my thoughts Wednesday evening and I didn’t want to send greetings too early then yesterday was one of those days when I didn’t get near a computer – you were in my thoughts though.

Ever heard of delayed emails sweetheart? Or maybe send an ecard, which can also be delayed. Still, I’m not sure of the level of her technological skills. Or, what about your iPhone darling?

My very first birthday greetings came from a great efriend who had managed to send me an ecard for the first few minutes of my birthday. How difficult was that?

Blah blah about ‘best friend’s’ exciting social life …

Then it was yummy lobster and crab for lunch, you’re probably bored with it in Gibraltar.

What? I’ve been vegetarian for nearly 30 years. She’s catered for me when I’ve stayed with her in London. There was no seafood. When they hosted a dinner at The Ivy (posh London restaurant, for non-Brits) we were the only vegetarians and had our own special, fairly vile, meal. Possibly deliberate? But anyway. Why would I suddenly be eating lobster and crab in Gib? which, I have to say, doesn’t seem to feature on Gib menus anyway.

Ah. Here we are. The Landing’s at Queensway Marina. Lobster Thermidor at a mere £28 a head. For those who are mathematically challenged that’s £56 for two.


No. I think not.

My dearest friend concluded with the usual desire to meet up:

Hope that your ankle is better by the time you are sixty as we will have to meet up then!

Gee thanks sweetheart. Kind of you to hope it takes another flipping four years before I can walk properly. And when I’m sixty, meeting up with you for lobster and crab is not high on my agenda.

Seriously, if people can’t send friendly emails as birthday greetings, why not just send a one liner, an ecard, a photo image like my creative friends send, just less is most definitely more. But digging yourself into a hole and leaving a bad (fishy) taste in someone’s mouth by sending a late and thoughtless greeting doesn’t serve anyone. Just send the greeting early next time. If there is a next time.

Posted in friendships, life | Tagged , | 38 Comments

No. I don’t hate men

One of the silliest arguments I read on the internet is that all feminists hate men. Really, they, or rather, we, do.

This is on a par with all feminists are hairy ugly lesbians, it is so ridiculous.

The view that feminists hate men and want to damage them emotionally, socially, and financially is downright crass.

There are some people I dislike. Some are men. Some are women. Likewise, there are people I like, again some are men, some are women.

None of this has anything to do with feminism. Feminists dislike a system. Feminists want to see the elimination of a patriarchal system that discriminates against anyone who isn’t an alpha male. Preferably a white one.


There is more to feminism than achieving the right to vote. Interestingly, New Zealand was first with the extension of the vote to all women over 21 in 1893. Canada followed (except for Quebec) in 1919, and America timed it in 1920 for a presidential election.

The UK managed to give women over 30 the vote in 1918, based upon property qualifications (historically the UK right to vote was based on property), and universal female suffrage for women over 21 had to wait another ten years.

So? Then what?

Women had the right to vote in the UK. A big step forward. But just one.


Around the same time, Oxford University finally allowed women to receive a degree (1920). Women had been attending Oxford since the 1870s and passing examinations with honours. But, because they weren’t men, they couldn’t graduate.

The first woman to gain honours in a University examination which was intended to be equivalent to that taken by men for a degree was Annie Mary Anne Henley Rogers. In 1877 she gained first class honours in Latin and Greek in the Second Examination for Honours in the recently instituted ‘Examination of Women’. In 1879 she followed this with first class honours in Ancient History.

Annie Rogers returned to Oxford to matriculate and graduate on 26 October 1920.

So two battles won?

Well not really. I’ve written before about how my mother was narrowly allowed to go to grammar school because her mother saw no need for it, and despite attending for a few years, she was finally pulled out of school to do the cleaning, ironing, cooking etc for the men in the family, approximately 20 years after the first women graduated from Oxford. My grandmother got her own way in the end. Life was different for the working class woman in the late 1930s.

Education is one of the cornerstones of feminism. Along with health care, bodily autonomy and economic independence.

Pregnancy, from the World Health Organisation

Maternal deaths have dropped from 427 000 in the year 2000 to 289 000 in 2013, but are still unacceptably high: nearly 800 women die due to complications of pregnancy and childbirth every day.

We’re mostly looking at low income countries, but look at this comment from a blog two years ago about childbirth in America:

Bearing a child is still one of the most dangerous things a woman can do. It’s the sixth most common cause of death among women age 20 to 34 in the United States. If you look at the black-box warning on a packet of birth control pills, you’ll notice that at most ages the risk of death from taking the pills is less than if you don’t take them—that’s because they’re so good at preventing pregnancy, and pregnancy kills. The risk flips only after age 35 because birth control pills increase the risk of stroke. (Psst, guys, you know what makes an excellent 35th birthday present for your partner? Getting a vasectomy.)

So. Contraception has made one big difference to women. It’s reduced our chances of dying young from repetitive strain injury childbirth.

And, the other major factor that has moved forward women’s rights, was being able to go to work and earn money.


Now, women are no longer dependent on being passed as a dependent chattel from one man (father) to another (husband) to serve as a brood mare, and risk their health in endless pregnancies. We can go to university, vote and get jobs. We can provide for ourselves. We can have sex without the risk (or a very low risk) of getting pregnant.

There are equal opportunity laws. Life has moved on. We are now all equal. Sure. Women and other minority groups really want to add the stress of taking a case as well as being discriminated against because we now have legal recourse to do so. In theory, everything is there for us. No more worries, discrimination in the workplace doesn’t happen? How many stories do you want from my office? Sexual harassment? Discrimination while pregnant? Laws don’t end discrimination, and they put the onus on the discriminated.

At the same time, while legislation, education and health care may have changed in the western world, attitudes haven’t. Women continue to be brought up to attract a mate, a secure meal ticket so they can have a couple of kids, sit back, put their feet up, and be a good housewife. Pretty much what my mother aimed for.

Except. Life doesn’t work out like that.


Because, we know plenty of men who haven’t just got divorced, they have literally walked from a toxic relationship and left their ex-wife and kids with everything. These men are now in their 50s and living in rented accommodation while their ex-wives sit prettily in the (bought) houses funded by their working husbands. And if these men don’t get work? How do they eat and pay their bills and rent?

And the classic. It used to be the gossip in the UK that young women would get pregnant to get council housing. Well, that still happens today. Some women in Gibraltar meet someone, (preferably British and innocent), get pregnant, and … chuck out the bloke shortly afterwards. The woman either gets government housing or sits prettily in bought or rented accommodation while the man pays. The same applies in Spain, women with kids have all the rights.

This is not to say all women do it. And maybe they aren’t playing someone. But some do.

One woman, divorced, said the other night that divorce was one of the biggest reasons people faced financial problems. The split, and the ensuing payments, whether they happened or not, can wreck someone’s life. Not just women’s lives, but men’s lives too.

So, why am I, as a red-card-carrying feminist standing up for the men? Because, men and women, all suffer from a rigid society that imposes artificial constructs upon us.

Men are not the problem. They suffer under patriarchy, as do women, differently, but they still suffer.

They suffer because they are cast in the role of financial provider, as protector of that cute little woman whose sole role is to pop out a couple of kids. Or more, depending on your religion. Just why, should men have to buy a woman? And spend their whole life paying?

Men suffer because women are taught silly rules about sexuality, and think they should use their sexuality to trap men. There is no honesty within these games.

I’m not talking about powerful people here, because little affects them. Just the ordinary person on the street. Who can’t even see what’s hitting them.

Feminism helps men and women. Here’s a short quote from Huff.

In fact, a new piece in the New York Times’ data blog Upshot suggests that the divorce rate has actually been dropping for some time now.

The feminist movement of the 1970s played a considerable role in where the divorce rate is now, according to economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfer. As women entered the work force and gained reproductive rights, marriage began to evolve into its “modern-day form, based on love and shared passions, and often two incomes and shared housekeeping duties.”

I think that says it all. No set role. We each do what we can to make sure our relationship works. In our case, my career, his business, whoever cooks and cleans as and when does that. No expectation based on gender. I didn’t expect anyone to provide for me in return for domestic slavery or sex.

No one has the right to a free meal ticket, not men, not women. And men, if you think that it’s your role in life to provide and protect, you have bought right into patriarchal bullshit.

And to finish and re-emphasise:

Feminists do not hate men. Feminists want to end patriarchy. Feminists merely want a level playing field for everyone. Feminism isn’t a gender war. It’s trying to destroy an age-old artificial construct.

Nor do feminists alienate men. It’s hardly as though my blogs are short of comments from men.

But please don’t believe equality yet exists. It doesn’t. Women are still a minority social group.

For those of you who like the academic side of things, here is an excerpt from a thought-provoking piece:

in her landmark feminist analysis of oppression, Marilyn Frye writes that it encompasses “a system of interrelated barriers and forces which reduce, immobilize and mold people who belong to a certain group, and effect their subordination to another group.”6 Others add that oppression presents multiple faces, including marginalization, exploitation, and powerlessness, and extends beyond economic and political forces to include psychological barriers that reduce, limit, or mold people as members of certain groups.7 Ann Cudd also clarifies that, by means of physical violence, economic domination, and psychologically coercive forces, oppression is essentially “an institutionally structured harm perpetrated on groups by other groups,” in which a privileged social group benefits from the harm endured by the oppressed.8

And for the men who read my blogs, I love you all, lots. :)

Posted in Atheism, feminism, health, life, Longreads, Religion, Sexism, WPlongform | Tagged , , , , , | 81 Comments

With reference to ‘baiting’ and ‘playing games’

Or blog etiquette?

My last post referred to a comment of mine on one blog, that was then made the subject of a post on another person’s blog (Tricia’s).

Just to summarise, I pointed out that police officer is a more appropriate generic term than policeman/men. In fact I didn’t even realise people still said policeman, fireman, postman etc.

A little history lesson

In olden days, many women did not work, and when they did, they didn’t work in the police force, the fire brigade or deliver mail. The people doing these jobs were—men. Hence the terminology.

And, when women did start doing these jobs, against all odds, the language clumsily pointed out they were a woman, eg a woman police constable (WPC).

WPC is no longer appropriate. (Phew, thought I had better check!)

My immediate response would be, a) why is their gender important and b) we don’t have man police constable (MPC or, as one wag said on the police forum, MCP).

And, to quote from the forum:

Ok, just imagine addressing some of your colleagues as “Black Police Constable”, “Gay Police Constable” or “Jewish Police Constable.”

Now see how inappropriate it is?

Here is the police forum.

It’s an interesting read, I only read the first page, but even in one page there are a range of opinions and ‘really funny’ comments. Assuming you find sexist jokes about making tea, looking after kids, and escort services funny.

The sensible comment above regarding, black, gay, Jewish, reinforces my point that women still face an uphill battle against discrimination compared with other minority groups. A number of commenters could not see the problem in pointing out that an officer is a woman.

Any police constable is a police officer first and foremost in their work environment. Pointing out their gender in their title is irrelevant and inappropriate and implies, by not doing the same for men, that a male police officer is the norm, and the default.

Similarly, by referring to a male nurse, one is still presupposing that nurses are normally women. In fact last year in hospital, men and women seemed pretty equally balanced, my ‘main’ nurse was male.

But by highlighting someone’s gender in a job we continue to reinforce the idea that one sex is automatically the ‘right’ one for the job, and that we expect to see them in that role. Because, by virtue of their gender, we stereotype women and men into different roles and affect their chances of being successful in gaining jobs and having successful careers in those fields.

If you don’t believe me, try reading this article on why sexist language matters. It is absolutely spot-on. Hell, it even picks up on my bugbear of ‘you guys’ and it’s written by an American. Or at least, someone who was teaching in North Carolina. It’s also more than eight years old. It’s a short and easy read.

Note. I have given two references here. One to the police forum, and another to AlterNet. This is important, and the crux of my post.


On my past post, I linked back to Tricia and InsanityBytes regarding their relevant posts about language/sexism/feminism.

As far as I am aware most of us do this when we refer to an external source that we are writing about. It gives the reader the chance to read further material and make up their mind independently. It is also being upfront that you are referring to another blog post and not tattling behind the poster’s back. Up to them whether they even choose to visit, let alone read or comment.

Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a single person who refers to another blog post, website, whether it’s a restaurant, a news article, or an academic publication, whatever, who doesn’t link back. It also takes time to do so.

Which brings me onto three very different examples.

  1. When I was at university, I learned to make sure I listed my source materials. They were divided into primary and secondary sources, eg Tacitus, Suetonius, Plutarch, Machiavelli, and Rousseau were primary. Text books were secondary. An essay without significant primary sources would be poorly rated.
  2. When I was a newspaper journalist, we used court sheets, council papers and took verbatim shorthand notes at both. When we interviewed people, we used direct quotes or put it into reported speech. Again, a story is unsubstantiated without a source.
  3. When I was writing board papers, I would quote and reference government documents, legislation, and peer-reviewed articles in journals.

Why would I not do the same on blog posts?

And yet, Tricia complained elsewhere that I only linked back to ‘bait’ her.

I had a similar experience over on Rough Seas blog where myself and Insanity Bytes were mentioned with much disdain on a recent post. I took the bait and made a comment which was very restrained and respectful, …


Oh and you’re not fooling anyone by saying you don’t play games. No one links to another blogger without hoping for some type of response.

Some might do. I don’t. I link back for all the reasons cited above.

Here, should you choose, are the links. ;) Merely if you suffer from insomnia.


Tricia’s comments and my replies on Colorstorm’s

My original post, ie the last one

Tricia’s post I referenced

InsanityBytes post I referenced

Posted in gender-specific language, blogging, feminism, writing, journalism, Sexism | Tagged , , | 80 Comments

The poor are always with us

What do I think of the Tory majority in the UK?

Pal Hariod Brawn asked me this so I thought I would give a somewhat superficial answer as that is all I can manage.

I’m not surprised.

Most people are racist, selfish and not interested in philanthropy. By and large the Tory party appeals to that point of view.

And, while my principles/beliefs lean somewhat to the left, in my lifetime I can’t remember a good/successful Labour government.

‘I’d vote Labour but I’m a socialist’ always comes to mind. Certainly I remember the euphoria around the Blair victory. And the disenchantment. The disillusionment. A Labour prime minister who modelled himself on Margaret Thatcher.

Which brings me neatly onto a nice feministy thing. (Sorry Hariod, that’s it on politics, for the most part.)

I have read recently some real arse about backwards comments about women and feminism.

One of the most common fallacies is that being a woman means a woman

  • a) is a feminist, or at the least can speak on women’s and feminist issues


  • b) a woman will do her all-out best to ensure other women receive at least equal treatment, if not preferential, to address the power imbalance in society.

Queen Bees

Many women in positions of power (well, the few in positions of power) exhibit the Queen Bee syndrome.

Thatcher was a classic example of not wanting to aid other women.

One of the chairs of my board was a similar example (also Tory incidentally). At a time when there was a government push to get a gender-balanced board of directors, my chair plaintively said: ‘But I’m the chair (she probably said chairman), surely we don’t need any more women on the board?’ On a board of eleven directors?

Erroneous credibility

More recently on religious blogs, I have noticed a trend for religious women to approve of sexist language, defend it, and criticise people (me, and others) for pointing out that gender-specific language is no longer appropriate.

This goes back to the fallacious belief above that says, I am a woman, therefore I can comment because I know what I am talking about.

Well, sure. If you have a relevant qualification in the use of language and thirty years of experience, go ahead. And that’s not just discussing use of sexist language, that’s often discussing the potential insult of a lot of words and trying to find appropriate and accurate ones.

For example, one of my journalist colleagues wanted to describe a group of protesters as ragamuffins and I stood my ground. I felt it was demeaning and inappropriate and inaccurate.

‘I am a woman’ doesn’t cut it when it comes to determining sexist language.

After my comment about policemen, Tricia kindly made a post about it, InsanityBites made a confusing follow-up. Don’t go there if you want to retain your sanity.

Insanity seems to think she is qualified to comment as she used to be a True Feminist (TM). Well, I’m not sure she really was … as the saying goes. Tricia is qualified because she is a woman.

Anti-feminist distractions

Tricia, on her post about my one blog comment elsewhere, said:

If you’re going to be mad about something, at least go after real outrages like the horrible oppression experienced daily by women around the world, or the disastrous way we are failing those in need of mental health services here in the U.S.

But I have mentioned that too. On more than one occasion. Readers of roughseas will have seen a number of posts about it, invariably on what is laughably called International Women’s Day.

I plead guilty to not campaigning for the state of the health service in America. I’m more interested in health and education for women in poorer countries than in the inglorious insurance-based health care system of the leader of the western world. Which, incidentally has nothing to do with women’s rights per se. Nor can I do fuck all about it.

Quite frankly, America has a shit health care system and that is neither my fault or my problem. But if you want my view, it fails because it is based on money. America is based on money and corporate greed. I know nice Americans, well, I think they are nice, but any country that resents paying into a communal pot for health care and is willing to see people out of house and home to pay for medical bills is living in the dark ages. But, that’s a new country for you.

So having pointed out that I can do Jack. Shit. Nada about the state of American health care or health and education for women in Africa, Asia, Central and South America, poor parts of the USA, what I can do is write about language.

And by writing about language, if I only open one person’s eyes as to how influential and discriminatory it is, I will have achieved something.

There are none so blind as those who will not see.

Or for those with a biblical preference:

They have mouths, but do not speak;
eyes but do not see
They have ears, but do not hear


Psalm 115: 5, 6

Glorious sexism

Let’s finish on a discriminatory and trivial high, ie one that bans women from exercising personal choice and personifies them as sex objects.

Oh yes.

The Cannes Film Festival Dress Code.

Got ankle problems? Over fifty? No darling. Go away. We just want the young skinny leggy bits of stuff. Because, after all, we only really want to look at those sort of women anyway. It’s not as though women serve any other purpose. Apart from breeding and cleaning.

Breed before you’re fifty? Maybe become the old cleaning woman afterwards? Just keep out of sight.

And people wonder why I comment on gender specific language? Women have a long way to go, throughout the world.

Posted in Atheism, christianity, feminism, gender-specific language, life, politics, Religion, UK | 69 Comments

On being called a liar

What annoys me …

… is being called a liar.

Three examples.

Number One

We’d just moved into our new house in the UK. By new, I mean the next one, it was actually 1930s.

The next day, seriously, the very next day, a couple knocked on the door. Were they offering tea and biscuits or ‘welcome to the street’?

No. In fact, their house backed onto ours, so they weren’t in our (rather better) street.

They wanted us to chop our trees down that overhung their garden.

Gee! Yes! Of course! We haven’t even fucking unpacked but we’ll get the chainsaw out right now just to suit you.

No wonder the previous occupants of our house wanted to move.

But, being overly nice as usual, Partner did as requested later that week.

A week or so later, Knock Knock.

I answered the door.

It was the Carping Couple again.

‘We came and asked you to cut your trees and you haven’t done it yet.’

So which huge branches (that we would have liked back actually for firewood) did you miss in your back garden? Huh?

I had previously remonstrated with Partner for getting wound up about their initial request. But …

‘He has cut them.’

Carpies started arguing.

‘Don’t call me a liar. Fuck off.’

Door slammed in faces.

I then understood why Partner had been annoyed with them.

Number Two

We had been in Gibflat a few months.

A knock on the door. Yes, another Knock Knock.

‘Can you stop your dog peeing on the staircase?’


If, he had, and he hadn’t, we would obviously have cleaned it up with bleach.

What was annoying here was a) the assumption, based on no information, knowledge, or actual witnessing, and b) thinking we would have not cleaned up had it happened.

These accusations went on for a while. He threatened to report us to the leaseholder. For something he couldn’t prove.

Partner suggested he check out if there were other animals in the block. He did. There were. To be honest, it was unlikely to have been animal pee as our dog showed no interest in it. It could just have been water.

But what absolutely arsehole behaviour.

He eventually conceded it wasn’t our dog. Not before his wife, and I, managed to tone down what was getting into a very heated conversation.

Thank you so much, prick of the first order.

Number Three

This weekend. And yes, another dog story.

A block in our street has been refurbed. Mostly offices, but a couple of flats. A couple drove onto the kerb.

‘Can you stop your dog peeing on my step?’ demanded Mr Imperious.

Said dog pee was a waterfall. Snowy is a small dog. He does not pee waterfalls.

Why do people who know stuff all about dogs make such crass assumptions?

Why do people have nothing better to do in life?

‘I have more respect for my neighbours than to allow that,’ said Partner loftily.

‘You’re not my neighbour,’ said arrogant shithead.

‘Yes I am,’ and Partner walked slowly over the road and into our block.

Because, unlike Ms Two degrees, journalist, editor, health service assistant director, my partner is working class with a skilled craft trade. And he looks it. Stuck-up bastards don’t expect him to be able to live where they do.

So not only did he make an erroneous assumption, and accuse Partner of being a liar, he added in a typically classist insult too.

And they should clean their step more often. That solves the problem.

But, to return to the point. We both hate being called a liar. I heard the raised voices in the street. I knew there was a problem. It took Partner hours to calm down. I understand. Because I hate it too.

It should be simple. Innocent until proved guilty. Don’t jump to conclusions or assume. If you get it wrong, apologise. None of the three above did.

Just don’t go there in the first place. Life is too short.

Posted in communal living - flat life, dogs, life, musings, thoughts | Tagged | 41 Comments

Things that puzzle me

In no particular order:

1) Why do people have comment moderation for blogs about cookery, books, photography and other presumably inoffensive subjects?

I can’t work out whether it is paranoia, over-inflated sense of self-importance or some strange form of blog management whereby having to approve a comment means they will never miss one. Most bizarre indeed. And also frustrating for readers.

2) Why do people oppose gender neutral language? This is the 21st century. We have had women in police forces for some considerable time. For goodness sake, we even have them in the armed forces now, so why are total morons referring to police officers as policemen and then justifying such use of sexist language?

The reason we have gender neutral language such as police officers (do watch Hot Fuzz if you haven’t seen it) instead of policeman, and firefighters instead of fireman, is that society is actually beginning to recognise that women can and do perform these functions too.

Just as when I chair a meeting, I do not accept being called a chairman. Even wiki mentions a reference to a chair as a person in a position of authority back in the seventeenth century. The origins are primarily religious/academic, so it follows there would have been no need to specify the holder was a man …

As someone who has worked professionally as a writer (and public relations manager) since leaving university, I do get mildly miffed by people telling me that words are not important. Words and our use of language are extremely important, that’s one reason why people get paid money for getting them right. Or as right as we can.

The reason why using the term policeman, fireman, postman etc as a generic term is offensive is because it assumes the person carrying out the work is a man. It excludes the concept that women might or are also doing that work. By continuing to perpetuate the idea that the default is male and a woman in the job is the exception—or not even there—we continue to reinforce the inequity (or iniquity?) within our society.

In reverse, how often do you read about ‘a male nurse’? Because the expectation, even though nurse is gender neutral, is that a nurse is a woman. Gender shouldn’t come into it. A nurse is a nurse. When I was in hospital last year, there was an interesting mix. Not quite 50:50, but probably 40:60 men to women. A far cry from 40 or 50 years ago when I was a kid in hospital and a male nurse was unheard of.

Times change and so does language, we may not agree with some changes but we should accept they are here to stay.

If it’s generally recognised that nigger, slopey and slanty-eyed chink are offensive, why is there such a resistance to gender neutral language?

3) Why do (some) bloggers have such transparent double standards? I’m probably guilty of this too, but some of it is so blatant.

The religious ones are the obvious ones here.

Commenter A goes off-topic. S/he is not of the same viewpoint as the religious blogowner so gets remonstrated with for going off-topic.

Commenter B is religious and goes off-topic, so clearly that is acceptable.

Commenter C (not religious) replies to something by B and is also told off for going off topic, despite replying to a question originally asked by the ‘approved’ Commenter B.

Commenter D insults someone. D is told off and threatened with moderation/banning because natch, D is not religious.

Commenter E (religious) insults someone (not religious). Blogowners response? Oh it’s good to see you again, Brother (or such similar twaddle).

And finally, got to love our religious brothers and sisters for giving us material to write about, blogowner F accuses me of lying without any proof at all. Merely an (incorrect) assumption. There’s no need for that on a public forum.

4) Today I got a request to fill in an opinion poll. There is an election this year. Will I vote for the GSD (right of centre) or the GSLP/Liberal Alliance (left of centre)?

Two options. No more.

Where was the don’t know/haven’t decided box?

How can I decide before I have read the manifestos? Yes, I do read them.

Why assume I am going to vote for one or the other? We have ten votes, and ten candidates for each party, so I could split my vote if I chose. Does that mean I should tick both boxes?

What about, I’m not going to vote, they are all a bunch of shysters, same tricks just different faces? Where was that box?

I’m not sure a badly thought out ‘poll’ like that deserves my time.

5) Heard this morning. Two Rumanians painting a flat for six pounds an hour between them. ie three pounds an hour each.

Minimum wage in Gib is five pounds something. Craft rate is £7.69. Firms normally charge out at £27/35 an hour (and pay craft rate or less). Flat rental starts at approx £700 a month. You’d only have to work 233 hours a month to pay rent. That’s nearly sixty hours a week. Then there are bills and food on top of that.

Charging, what in Gib, is not enough to live on unless you are hot bedding or squatting and starving yourself to death, is ridiculous. All it does is drag down the rate for everyone else. I’m not sure who is the worst, the person gleefully paying such a cheap rate, or the ones charging it. Next, people will be paying for the privilege of working. Sort of like buying an apprenticeship I suppose.

But at the other extreme, an acquaintance was looking up painting prices and found a template. To paint a door with one coat only was £35 a side. The last doors Partner painted, got two coats of paint and he charged £20 for one side. Seventy would have been very nice.

And finally, on maths. Another painter had priced some doors. They were new doors, so he was looking at three coats of paint, both sides. He priced them at £100. He didn’t get the job. But the killer here is, there were ten doors. The client asked the painter how much the total would be because he couldn’t work out 10 x 100 …

People puzzle me.

Posted in blogging, christianity, feminism, gender-specific language, work | Tagged , | 58 Comments

Just an everyday in a sexist life

It’s easy to say, ‘I’m not sexist, racist, disablist, fattist, ageist’ etc.

But what happens when someone challenges that?

None of us like being challenged so the automatic response is ‘Oh, no, I’m not’.

Except, how do we know? Ruth (and MMJ and Neuronotes) make the valid points that without an understanding of sexism and misogyny it’s somewhat difficult to say whether you have experienced it, or have dished it out.

I’ve read a lot recently about men who aren’t sexist, and there are currently some great posts around on understanding sexism, and specifically, victim blaming and shaming. Links at the end. Well worth a read.

I always swore I’d never do a feminism 101 for people. But here it is, in oldspeak before 101 appeared: ‘An Idiot’s Guide to Feminism’ (I know, ‘idiot’ is so uncool, but really sometimes appropriate). Or, at least a few tips and pointers to think about. Mostly based on personal experience.

The following behaviours are sexist:

1) Wolf whistling on a building site

Mostly this has stopped. Some workers have been suspended on site. The general current view is that it is no longer acceptable.

Yes, I’ve been whistled at.

What’s wrong with it?

Well, who cares what you think about some woman’s appearance? It’s called objectification. It’s not flattering. It’s called signifying approval that you meet the sexual standard for the men.

And of course, if you don’t get whistled at, then you are below par.

Either way, not good.

2) The reverse. Abusing women in public

How about approaching them and saying ‘Dooooog’ and then running off laughing.

Yes. I’ve had that too. It gave me such a warm fuzzy feeling. Thanks boys.

Because making jokes about a woman’s appearance is just Oh. So. Funny. And it is the privilege of the men to do so.

But, that doesn’t mean men who do so are sexist, oh no. It’s just a joke yes? And if you don’t find it funny you lack a sense of humour.

3) Women commenting on your appearance. Usually lack of breasts

‘Is that a boy or a girl,’ they said as I walked past, aged 13. ‘Can never tell these days.’

Gee thanks mum for getting my hair cut, and my fault for being tall and slim.

But, why is it your nosy business, strangers, whether I was a teenage boy or girl? Bad enough to think it, but to say within my hearing?

And the barwoman in the pub, ‘Oh, you’re flat-chested like me.’

Thanks. Just thanks for boosting my fragile teenage ego.

4) Men assuming your sexual status in the street, and commenting on it

‘Oh, German virgins,’ said to me and my French exchange pal in Paris, we were aged around 14/15.

And just what did our nationality or sexual status have to do with total strangers?

5) Let’s move up a little. Touching people

This is a rather sensitive issue. If you know someone, and have a friendly relationship, you may touch them on the arm. In Europe, we do kisses on the cheek. One in Gib, two in Spain.

What we don’t do, is creep up behind complete strangers and slide our hand up a woman’s arse. In a rather secluded place. With no one else around.

Yes, that’s happened to me too. I was in shock for hours. What happened was bad enough. What might have happened was worse.

But no men, you don’t have a right to stroke my arse.

6) Drinking pals. You know, a little alcohol, and oh yes, the woman is drunk and your luck is in

No. If the woman is drunk, and/or you are drunk, sex is a no-no. Is. That. Clear?

It is not a good idea to try and intoxicate a woman, with or without the aid of rohypnol, ketamine and/or GHB to deliberately have sex with her when she is not in control.

Nor is it a woman’s fault if you rape her in those circumstances. It is yours. And if you are extremely drunk or drugged, I would suggest you sober up before you fuck. Or, think about fucking.

Personal experience? Yes, I was drunk once and a ‘friend’ took me to his house. To sleep.

I probably wasn’t too drunk because I refused to play with his ‘toy’ (as he tried to convince me that his cock was just a plaything) on the grounds that I was drunk (at least I knew that) and I didn’t want to regret it in the morning.

It is never, ever, funny to try and make women lose control so that you can have sex with them. That is non-consensual sex. It’s called rape. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex when she’s sober, then don’t try to get her drunk to ‘change her mind’. And if she is already drunk, don’t act the knight errant and then rape her.

A woman who doesn’t know what she is agreeing to, is not consenting.

7) Fun phone calls

You know the ones. Anonymous ones. ‘I know the colour of your knickers.’ Or just the heavy breathing.

Have you any idea how much that freaks the recipient?

Yup. I’ve had those too.

8) Jokes

Because everything about women is light-hearted and whatever we men say is just fun. A laugh. With the boys.

No. Rape jokes are not funny. Appearance jokes are not funny. In fact, anything that basically puts women down, mocks them and scorns them is not remotely funny. It’s not feminists who need to get a sense of humour. It’s sexist people who need to re-evaluate.

9) Opening the door

These is a silly antiquated behaviour, not a symbol of deference or respect.

There’s nothing wrong with opening the door for anyone, regardless of gender, if they have their hands full. Or holding the door open for someone following behind you rather than letting it slam in their face.

But if you’ve ever been in the position of going to a meeting with someone in a strange building, having every door held open for you as you make your way to the room ends up like a farce. The two scenarios that follow go like this:

Scenario One

Man holds door open for woman. Woman goes through and stands there like a spare part not knowing where to go. Man follows through, embarrassingly squeezes past and resumes the lead until the next door appears. Repeat ad infinitum until reaching destination.

Scenario Two

Man holds door open for woman, but instead of squeezing past to take the lead, man then issues instructions somewhat like a driving test, telling woman to go right, left, take the third door on the left, walk straight across the junction, and then stop at the staircase. Assuming she’s made it that far. I have never seen men issue these orders to other men.

It is much easier for the person who knows where they are going to take the lead instead of displaying an unnecessary and impractical form of ‘respect’. Because, when necessary, women are capable of opening doors all on their little own.

And if you don’t behave like that with men, why are you doing it with women?

11) Claiming that there is no need for feminism because it’s all equal now. Yes. Sure it is. Do I need to quote statistics?

Even worse, moaning that men are discriminated against, and women are sexist towards them.

Because men are now the discriminated underclass. Really?

12) Feminists are just men-hating lesbians

I’m not. A lot of men read my blogs. Most of my friends are men. Feminism isn’t about hating men. It’s about trying to achieve equality for women. There is a significant difference. Feminists are not opposed to men. Feminists are opposed to a patriarchal society (invariably reinforced by the three patriarchal religions of Judaism, Christianity and Islam) wherein the power rests with men.

It’s the system that is at fault. But to change that we need to challenge it and our behaviours.

13) My women friends don’t agree with you, so therefore you are wrong

This one cracks me up every time. This is invariably trotted out by some ignorant (as in not having a clue about the issues) man, who parrots off what I have said to his equally ignorant women friends, and then comes back and tells me they are women, so they must know.

Well possibly if they are radical feminists they might have some idea. But given that radfems are thin on the ground, I find it odd that a man who uses sexist language would have a bunch of radfem friends.

14) And on the language issue …

Using terms that apply to a woman in a derogatory or abusive style is sexist. Here are a few examples:

Bitch (and bitch slap)

And, infantilising women by referring to them as baby, girl, chick etc when they are 20 or 30 just perpetuates the ‘women MUST keep their looks and appear younger than they are’ stereotype.

In a similar vein, referring to a woman as a lady is not good. Not only is this sexist, it’s inaccurate and classist. More about language on my previous post, mixing ladies and whores.

Language is so powerful. What we say influences others. So, please think about your choice of words. Before you claim you aren’t sexist.

15) And back to the beginning

If you trot out a bland statement that you believe in equal rights for women and you are not sexist, and behave in any of the above ways (or have done and think it was fine) then you are sexist.

If you argue with a woman who says you are, then you most probably are. Instead of arguing, try and work out why.

Up here for thinking, down here for … So use the brain for thinking. Not the other organ.

Some links:

Rebecca’s great post about victim shaming

Her link to someone with a long name who wrote a brilliant post about consent. She uses a great analogy for describing non-consensual sex

And finally, a fem 101 site that has some good posts answering basic questions with some well thought through answers

Posted in blogging, feminism, gender-specific language, Longreads, Religion, WPlongform | Tagged , , | 48 Comments