Victim blaming (regarding rape)

While I will agree with you entirely, RS, that no crime against persons is excusable, still there are precautions that one can take. If I were to walk down a dark alley in a major metropolitan city, with hundred-dollar bills hanging out of my pocket, I wouldnโ€™t feel entirely blameless if I were robbed.

That is one of the most crass comparisons I have heard for some time. Don’t leave it all hanging out girl/woman or you’ll get touched/assaulted/raped. Your fault.

Of course. If I walk down the street, or in a quiet secluded area, showing my legs, arms, hands, ankles, eyes, some of my breasts, just basically any part of my body, I wouldn’t feel entirely blameless if I was raped.

Because, it’s always up to a woman to avoid being raped.

How many times do women have to say,

IT’S UP TO MEN TO STOP RAPING WOMEN.

Michelle said it beautifully.

https://aghostdancer.wordpress.com/2014/04/08/582/_still-not-asking-final3/

So, what should women do?

Precautions that one can take?

Cover up from head to toe? Not wear summer clothing? Not go out alone? At night? At all? Maybe need a male escort? Hello Islam.

There is, strangely, a difference between walking around with money hanging out of your pockets and being a woman walking down the street.

Or at least, there is from a woman’s perspective. Perhaps not from a man’s.

If you don’t understand why this is a blatant example of sexism and patriarchy then, please go do your homework.

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About roughseasinthemed

I write about my life as an English person living in Spain and Gibraltar, on Roughseas, subjects range from politics and current developments in Gib to book reviews, cooking and getting on with life. My views and thoughts on a variety of topics - depending on my mood of the day - can be found over on Clouds. A few pix are over on Everypic - although it is not a photoblog. And of course my dog had his own blog, but most of you knew that anyway. Pippadogblog etc
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66 Responses to Victim blaming (regarding rape)

  1. disperser says:

    There are things one can do to minimize being a victim, but mode of dress is not one of them. I suggest a knife, a gun, pepper spray, training in their use, and a tough mindset.

    And yes, ideally one should not have to worry . . . and if we lived in an ideal world, I would be less likely to carry a gun, a knife, and pepper spray. . . . and I’m not even all that worried I’ll get raped.

    . . . also, were I a woman, I would get trained in quick and efficient castration techniques. But, that’s just me.

    Like

    • The point, that men do NOT seem to get, is that women should not have to take precautions, and while ever men suggest that we should, then we live in a fucked-up world.

      You’re not that worried you’ll get raped? Ever been sexually assaulted? Let alone raped? This is the whole issue. I’m not sure men even understand it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • disperser says:

      The argument is sound except . . . we do live in a fucked-up world, so precautions it is. And I said “all that worried”, not “not worried”.

      The point is that rape is not the only worry one has. It is one of many worries in this fucked-up world we live in. And while rape is primarily a concern for women, I would say getting killed should rank higher and it spans both males of females.

      But, if we are considering only rape, then, let’s be blunt. As a man, I can tell you the majority of men are slimeballs. Saying, writing, yelling, etc. that men should not rape women is an idealistic way to approach the problem, and one that is proven not to work.

      Let’s try it on other subjects and tell me if you think it’s effective: stop stealing, stop speeding, stop cheating, stop taking advantage of others. I’ll go out on a limb here, but I’m going to flat-out say me and a billion other people could scream that out loud until our vocal chords burst, and it will have minimal if any effect.

      Understand, saying one takes precautions is not the same as blaming the victim. But, like when I speak of race, speaking on this subject I am at a disadvantage because not being a woman it’s assumed I can’t possibly know anything about it, let alone have an opinion.

      So, let me suggest this:
      https://limatunesrangediaries.wordpress.com/2015/05/12/the-first-step-in-defense-against-rape/

      https://sexualintelligence.wordpress.com/2015/04/30/why-is-common-sense-blaming-the-victim/

      Like

      • Ouch! Touchy touchy! Yeah, you can gave an opinion. Sort of.

        Your point is valid. About stop this that and the other. Except sexually assaulting someone who is normally weaker than you is pretty bad. You forgot murder in your list. That’s not too good either.

        But, let’s be honest. You don’t know the fear of being overpowered, assaulted and raped because you are female.

        And is carrying afterwards a solution? Michelle does too. So women who get raped end up learning how to kill people. There has to be a better way round this. It’s called getting rid of a patriarchal sexist society.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Ruth says:

          For the most part I agree with you. Except that I think there’s something even more sinister at play than this simply being a sexist patriarchal society. There are more men who are patriarchal sexists who do not rape women than those who do. So while the patriarchal sexist society is pretty disgusting I don’t know if that is the reason men rape.

          I think disperser has somewhat of a point. I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking precautions and advising women to take precautions as a means of defense against sick bastards as long as we’re not blaming them for being victims.

          Liked by 2 people

          • ” as long as weโ€™re not blaming them for being victims.”

            There in lay the slope most slippery. You shouldn’t be walking late at night. Why? Because you’re a woman and could get raped. You shouldn’t go out and have a drink alone. Why? Because you’re a woman.

            It’s the because after asking why that places “some” level of blame on the victim.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Ruth says:

            I agree. The question should never be, “why were you out late at night alone,” or “why were you in that part of town,” or “why were you at a bar?”

            The question should always be, “What the hell is wrong with you that makes you think it’s okay to rape a woman?” That’s the question.

            Liked by 3 people

          • Exactly and so spot on! ๐Ÿ™‚
            /big hugs for ruth! ๐Ÿ™‚

            Liked by 3 people

          • But, the issue is, that all the people, ie men and women, who subscribe to patriarchal views, subliminally endorse that power perspective of women as, well, whatever really.

            What sort of precautions Ruth? How far would you take it? Not walking out at night alone? Should women not do that? That isn’t a precaution. That’s intimidation.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Ruth says:

            I agree that patriarchal vies endorse the power of men over women. The question is, though, even if we got rid of that would that end rape? Unlikely. Because I think that anyone who would rape wouldn’t give up their need for power.

            I’d find it difficult, even though I own a gun to shoot someone but I would definitely pepper spray the hell out of someone. I’m going to do what I want to do(i.e. walking outside alone at night). My point was simply that taking precautions doesn’t blame the victim in and of itself. For instance, pink pickup up a bottle and breaking it. Taking [some] precautions actually empowers some would-be victims.

            Like

          • Patriarchy does however condition our views about women as objects.
            There is a difference between using defence (bottle, gun) and the right to be able to walk without precaution.

            But freedom isn’t about defence. It’s about not needing it in the first place. Call me idealistic, but that’s what needs to change.

            Like

          • Ruth says:

            Oh, I’d love for it to change. And nothing I’ve said here is meant to suggest we shouldn’t strive for that change. In the meantime I’ll carry my pepper spray. ๐Ÿ˜‰

            Liked by 1 person

          • Can’t even change views on the Internet. Let alone real life. Pepper spray? Jeez!! I don’t carry.

            Like

        • disperser says:

          I mentioned murder, but you know what’s interesting? I’m a small guy in a world of big guys. I do know, intimately, the worry of being assaulted, overpowered, beaten up, etc.

          You want me to add rape to that? Fine; the very idea of being raped scares me. One of the reasons I try to avoid getting put in jail. But you know what is an even bigger fear? To be beaten to the point of being confined to a wheelchair and drool my way through the rest of my life.

          Is it likely I would be assaulted and/or raped as I go through my everyday life? No. A big part of that is because I take precautions (most would say extraordinary precautions) and NOT because I’m a man and don’t have to worry about it.

          It is, in fact, because I have a very low opinion of humanity and a high capacity for understanding humans can and do inflict all manner of suffering on other humans without a second thought or hint of remorse.

          You want to limit the discussion to one topic, but that itself is a dismissal of all the other victims who also were not doing anything but going about their lives. Apparently, and I might be reading it wrong, but that’s how it comes across, rape is the pinnacle of victimhood and reserved only for females. I suggest that after a certain level (usually into violence), one should not be ranking victimhood; the type of victimization should not be used as a badge to claim status over other victims.

          If I sound a little cross it’s because I really, really hate the line “you are not ‘insert whatever here’ so you cannot possibly understand”.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Worry. Any experience of it? Who doesn’t worry as we age?

            Maybe you live in fear. Who knows?

            I’m not sure whether you have been sexually assaulted, but that is the point of this post. If you wish me to write about burglary, I can do that too, but I think it helpful to focus on one topic. This one is about how women should avoid being sexually assaulted because, it’s not the fault of men who are raping/assaulting them. What part of that is not clear?

            And I don’t give a shit if you haven’t been sexually assaulted. Lucky you. And, no. You don’t understand at all.

            Like

          • Actually there is a difference between rape and murder. To tell you the truth I still wish they’d killed me it would have been merciful. Murder is done and final but rape and sexual assault haunt you forever.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Michelle, it sounded as though they thought they had physically killed you ๐Ÿ˜ฆ And, they might have tried to kill your soul, but they haven’t.

            Liked by 1 person

          • They tried. It would have been a mercy. I just wanted the poster to see rape and murder are also not equal. Very few crimes are as bad as rape for mental and physical scarring and the long term damage as well. Everything from emotions to your physical being is altered in just minutes in ways that can’t really be explained. But no my soul remains here bound to memories I’d rather not have..

            Liked by 2 people

          • None of us can say we understand, because the blunt truth is, we don’t. Nor, to be equally blunt, would I want to be in the position where I did understand. Your rape and attempted/assumed murder reads like something out of a graphic crime novel. Except. It’s true. Not fiction.

            I can’t say any more, except to thank you so much for contributing to discussions (not just mine) about something that caused such damage to you.

            Liked by 2 people

          • Ruth says:

            Hugs, Michelle. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and really hope I never find out. I also can’t imagine the wounds it opens up for you when you read or hear stupid comments like the one in the OP.

            Liked by 1 person

      • We live in a fucked up world for sure.

        In Florida a spring breaker got drunk and gang raped on the beach. 100s of people watch and many even recorded it but not one, not a single one tried to stop it or called 911. The bigger point of this is that women shouldn’t HAVE to worry about things like that but in this world we indeed have to. Why? Well look at the one example I gave you 100s of people and 4 rapists. The 100s of people stood by and watched and recorded. Something is wrong with anyone who thinks this is ok behavior.

        The problem is so ingrained that men often saying stupid things like well look how she was dressed. You have a point we need to take certain precautions but the ones I take I imagine men do the same. They may not but I would assume it’s common sense.

        No matter weather we should take basic precautions, the fact remains the woman is never to blame for being raped. She didn’t say hey come over here, beat me, strangle me, force me to have sex. No I bet the opposite is true. I bet she was yelling NO, GET OFF, HELP!

        So it’s not how we dress or don’t dress, what precautions we take or don’t take, or how tight or lose what clothing we choose to wear is. If a man is going to rape you he will take what he wants and nothing you do will stop him from trying. Rape is a vile and violent crime. It’s never justifiable and the victim is never to blame.

        Even passed out dead drunk naked on a pool table without my consent it is rape, it is a violation of my person and it is NOT ok. That is the point really.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Ruth says:

          I was so shocked by that story. I kept asking my husband over and over why no one was doing…anything. He said it was because they were all drunk. I don’t buy it. I’ve never been so drunk that I would or could overlook such a thing.

          Liked by 1 person

          • It’s because society is desensitized to it all. GTA the point is to rape prostitutes and movies justify it, video games, everywhere the culture of taking sex because you deserve it is prevalent. But see I have taught my son and soon to be daughter differently. I know my 16 year old would have dialed 911 and then recorded it for the police so they would know who to arrest.

            To few these days are taught the value of others, only the value of self.

            Like

  2. Does it matter if I have money hanging from my pockets or I am nude? Good and decent people would not touch the money or me. I would never feel any blame for being raped ever. Rape is someone who violated my personal space and my personal body against my will. I am never to blame for being raped.

    I am the first to say there are steps we can take to lessen our chances of being a rape victim. But the key word is still victim and that is without blame.

    Remember many rape victims are raped in their homes or cars. Places they should be relatively safe. Many (most) are raped by people they know. There is very little that can be protected against in these cases.

    But it’s never, ever, ever the victims fault. Even if I walked in the middle of spring breakers drunk and naked I don’t deserve to be raped nor was it my fault that some man or men over power me and force themselves upon me. The aggressor is still to blame and that is why the aggressor goes to jail and not the victim.

    I was a stripper for a while and even had people say “you’re asking to be raped doing that”. I wasn’t ever raped while stripping, after stripping or before stripping. Why? Because a “REAL MAN” knows he needs a yes to touch.

    Like

    • Hi Michelle. Hoped it was OK to link. I saw your post, via your link, recently and thought it was very powerful. It made the point so well, I thought.

      It’s valid to say good people would not touch you naked, or with money hanging from your pockets, and I agree. However, there is a difference being a man walking down the street with money, and a woman walking down the street with no incentive for assault. Apart from being a woman.

      Truth is, what were you doing to attract being attacked and raped? Should girls and women really have to walk in fear and protect themselves every day of their life? You were just walking down the street. I was walking through the park when I was assaulted.

      Saying we shouldn’t do that IS victim blaming. Not that we should take precautions. Men don’t.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s fine to link back. I 100% agree I will not live in fear nor worry what others think. I do conceal carry, I know self defense and thus I’ve taken precautions. I also take other generic precautions but I imagine most people men or women take.

        I don’t drink alone, we always have a sober person to drive and look after us, we carry our phones, avoid being separated… ect.. All simple things and all reduce the chance I’d be a victim. But you are 100% right it is never ok to say because she was naked she deserved it.

        Rape is a violent act against another. violence is never ok unless in self defense. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • pinkagendist says:

        I can’t remember the name, but there was a double spiked Japanese hairpin designed for a woman to be able to kill a rapist/attacker (pre 18th century). My mother, who wasn’t Japanese, often wore one in her hair, and if it wasn’t there she kept it in her purse.

        I’ve never been attacked, but while the anti-gay attacks were happening in Marbella (2000), I was there. They waited for gay men not far from the bars by the Alameda. One night going home I noticed three thuggish looking boys following me and making comments about me just loud enough so I could hear them. Marbella being Marbella, I looked to the ground, picked up a glass bottle, broke it on the pavement and then turned straight to look at them.

        I decided that if I was going to get a beating, one of them was going to get very hurt in the process. They literally ran in the other direction. We shouldn’t have to defend ourselves and take precautions, but what’s the alternative?

        Liked by 1 person

        • You did the right thing. Yes we shouldn’t have to and that is the point. We still do and that is fine. What isn’t fine is if they blame the victim. If I were to say and please know I don’t me a single word that will be in quotes.

          “You deserve to be beaten and/or killed because you’re a dirty gay”

          That is NEVER ever ok to say nor think. No one deserves physical harm for any reason. Not because you are a woman or because you are gay or even because you’re a nerd. It’s never ok.

          Love, peace and hugs, you’re still here and you did the right thing.

          That love peace and hugs is to everyone on the boards too. Ruth, clouds, everyone because you DO deserve love, peace and hugs (if you want them) ๐Ÿ™‚

          Liked by 3 people

        • So. Was it your fault you walked out in Marbella and you were gay? Because the comment I quoted would suggest it was your fault.

          I walked late in Marbella around the same time, no probs, I was staying near that naranja square. There’s a difference between self-defence and fear of going out at all and being blamed for going out because you are ‘asking for it’.

          Liked by 2 people

          • pinkagendist says:

            But just being means we’re asking for it. My gayness, or your womanness, make us automatically members of the asking for it category.
            There’s a sector of society that will always put us in that position.

            Like

          • And there always will be.

            Why is this so difficult?

            A patriarchal society discriminates against everyone who is not a macho male (and in the western world, primarily white).

            But why does no one want to change it? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ No. Don’t answer that.

            I feel like I am banging my head against the wall.

            Liked by 3 people

          • why doesn’t anyone want to change it? Simple answer. Those in power benefit from it being this way. Someday maybe we can change this but today unfortunately is not that day. Though I for one won’t stop trying.

            Liked by 1 person

          • pinkagendist says:

            You know what the secret I just learnt is? We CAN change it! It’s easier than it looks.

            Like

          • Mr Optimist. I know who to come to when I need a cheerful boost ๐Ÿ˜‰

            Like

          • pinkagendist says:

            My battery went down before I could explain.
            I recently opened a bank account. I walked in and was waved away by a male manager who said: “she handles new accounts” pointing at a young woman. She happened to be very nice, which was great.
            Visit number two, I walk into the bank and HE bolts to me saying he’s my account manager. I said I thought SHE handled new accounts. Oh no, HE handles ‘important’ accounts. I explained that’s just not going to work out. If SHE isn’t handling my account, I’ll move my money elsewhere. His expression was quite something.
            We think we can’t do things individually, but we can. Walk into your bank tomorrow and ask how many female managers they have. The question in and of itself should put the fear of Mithra into them. By noon memos will have gone everywhere saying someone might be investigating sexist hiring practices at the bank.

            Liked by 2 people

          • Don’t start me on banks! Sore subject. Interestingly, I think I only dealt with two men at my bank and they were appalling. All the women were excellent. It’s very sad stereotyping that women are better at front line/customer relations jobs than men, which is where they end up staying, while men are perceived as ‘managers’ doing the important business. Years ago though, both the manager and deputy manager at my building society were women, as they are in Gib. Perhaps build socs are a softer option though โ€ฆ Banks need hard, tough, macho male managers ๐Ÿ˜‰

            But back to your story. It’s a good one. How many of us want to make those waves though?

            Like

          • pinkagendist says:

            But we can make those waves. It’s a generalization but one that makes sense. Finance is one of those professions that encourages simplistic alpha-male machismo. The worse of patriarchy. They know everything. They’re going to tell you what to do with your money, and when/if they lose it, it’s not their responsibility.
            Our manager at the Santander in Soto marina was exactly that sort.
            In Spain I didn’t have the ‘means’ to fight back, but now I do.

            Liked by 2 people

          • That’s true. And certainly finance is oozing alpha male. In my workplace senior women managers, let alone finance directors were a rare species (I knew one). IT is a similar area.

            But, not everyone has the means to fight back, and if they do, they rarely want to. How many people want to challenge the status quo and make waves? Sure, there are the odd few, but how many do you honestly know?

            Liked by 1 person

          • disperser says:

            I must be missing something . . . yes, there are people who blame the victims, but I’m not reading that sentiment here, not from me, and not from the other comments.

            Yes, blaming the victim is wrong. Yes, it should not happen. Is there some other point you are trying to make? Because it almost sounds as if you are suggesting women should not have to take precautions. While idealistically I can side with that, I should also not have to wear a seatbelt, and should be able to leave my house door unlocked when I travel, and so on.

            I don’t see where sexual assault earns immunity from taking precautions. Again, not victim blaming, but it seems unreasonable to me that in this one instance, sexual assault, we are to strive for complete safety regardless of the locale and circumstances, and anything else is completely unacceptable even as a suggestion.

            By that I mean, the event is unacceptable, but so is ignoring the facts. And the facts are that while it’s never right to blame the victim, one should also not blame people who suggest behavior modification to avoid victimhood, and do so not as a castigation, but out of a desire to help avoid a situation that unfortunately is a fact of life.

            Frankly, if an event happens to me because of my failure to understand and acknowledge the world we live in, I can’t see the value or effectiveness of me standing on my pulpit yelling with indignation “that’s not right” and “I should not have to worry about this”.

            Liked by 2 people

          • Yup. You are missing something. Don’t worry about it. You aren’t a woman.

            Like

          • disperser says:

            Well, OK then; I’ll withdraw from the discussion.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Sorry, I was just about to reply โ€ฆ

            Like

  3. Ruth says:

    People who make such comparisons or statements have no idea what rape really is. It isn’t because a woman is just so damned enticing that a man can’t resist because she’s dressed in any particular way.

    Hell, there are men who are turned on by the “schoolgirl look” or the “librarian look”. What a man finds sexually attractive about a woman really is very subjective. So I guess if a librarian with a bun, a turtleneck, and glasses is asking for it because she’s dressed in a way that is sexually attractive to some man somewhere? Bullshit!

    Rape is about power and control. Simple as. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with what the victim looks like or is wearing.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks Ruth. I suddenly realised how difficult this is to explain. Jeez! I am a woman. I want to walk down the street. Therefore I am available? Rapable? I can’t wear the clothes of my choice or walk where I want? It’s dark. I actually walked around the block the other night at 11.30, no one around. Should I have taken precautions because I shouldn’t have been out on my own?

      I didn’t have hundred dollar bills hanging out of my pocket. Or even ten pound notes. There is a big difference between throwing money around and being sexually assaulted. Robbery is one thing. Rape or sexual assault is very different, hence this comment pissed me right off. Women can NOT prevent men who want to rape. What is so difficult to understand about that. Nor should we have to spend our lives thinking about that.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I would say that there’s no difference between having 100 whatever currency notes hanging out of one’s pockets and wearing whatever kind of clothing; neither is a valid enticement for a felony. There is no private enticement for robbery, and there also is no private enticement for rape. It’s like saying that being alive is enticing someone to commit murder.

    Taking precautions really shouldn’t factor into it either; doing that means one is planning to have to deal with felonious conduct. I could understand taking precautions if one lives or works in a neighborhood where there is statistically a high chance of encountering such conduct, but for everyday living? I couldn’t imagine having to worry every time I leave my house about whether or not someone would attack me.

    The perpetrator of a felony is to blame for it. That’s the whole point of saying they intended to do what they did. It would be really nice if this wasn’t even a thing.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I love your logical legal comments!

      But life isn’t logical. And the law isn’t always, fair, just or whatever.

      However my point is there is a HUGE difference between someone walking down the street with bills hanging out of his pocket and a woman walking down the street. No bills.

      For the temptation of your felony to occur, man shows money. For the woman? She just is. Mega difference.

      Nobody with half a brain walks down the street waving money around. A woman can walk down the street and โ€ฆ That’s the difference. It grieves me that no one seems to understand.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ruth says:

        I think you might recall a conversation I had on my blog about this that robbers are to blame for robbing, not the victim of robbery. If I leave a hundred dollar bill out in the open I’m not asking for anyone to take it. Any passerby knows good and damned well that bill isn’t theirs.

        The fact of the matter is, though, that rape is a completely different animal than robbery. While both might be crimes of opportunity rape is a violent crime of power and abuse. It NEVER has to anything to do with where a woman is or what she is wearing . If a rapist can’t find a woman walking alone at night he’ll find some other opportunity. What about the rapist who breaks into a woman’s home? And, lest we forget, the majority of rapes are committed by a person the woman knows – not out in a dimly lit alley.

        Liked by 1 person

        • What I do recall, was the conversation on yours about calling people out for unintentional sexism and pointing out why it was sexist. I read the comment on this post on another blog, where I don’t know the blogger but did ‘know’ slightly, the commenter. It seemed inappropriate to take it up there, but I thought it was worth a post here as an example. The commenter doesn’t read my blogs, and I’m sure would get defensive anyway.

          Totally agree with all your points (unsurprisingly). My main gripe was the suggestion that a woman is in any way at all to blame for being raped. And my second, as you’ve eloquently highlighted, was that the comparison with robbery was flawed anyway. I was left wondering what precautions a man should take to avoid getting raped/sexually assaulted when going out alone down a dark alley? Do men worry about that?

          When women can be sexually assaulted in city centres or parks in broad daylight (three women I know) what the hell are we supposed to do? Or as John’s comment suggests, stay at home?

          Like

          • Ruth says:

            Wear hajibs and have chaperones bodyguards?

            Like

          • Yup. Husband/male relative’s permission to go out at all. No conversation with men. Keep out of the way if they visit the family home, because otherwise, if anything happens, the woman’s not without blame. Because, the problem, is the woman. It’s not totally his fault. It’s not really his fault at all actually. As Pink said, ‘just being’ is the cause.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. john zande says:

    Youโ€™ve probably already heard this before, but in 2006 the Egyptian-born Australian cleric, Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali, blamed women for being raped by saying: “If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside … without cover, and the cats come to eat it … whose fault is it, the cats’ or the uncovered meat’s? The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab [the headdress worn by some Muslim women], no problem would have occurred.”

    Such people should be banished to Macquarie Island. .. and just forgotten. They have excused themselves from our species.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The ignorance of the people making this argument is striking. Most rapes don’t happen as a woman is walking home from a night out. It happens at the hands of people we know and trust. Almost every woman I know has been sexual assaulted or raped, not even counting random gropers. The most serious attacks came from a trusted person every single time.

    To me, that proves that one key issue is the underlying patriarchy and rampant sexism. Men that claim to care about us have little to no qualms about violating us. They still think they are decent human beings after the fact.

    There are also a lot of cases where women did have the means to protect themselves, but couldn’t because they worried that it would escalate the situation and other women’s stories show that that fear is not unfounded. Carrying a weapon is dangerous. It is not a guarantee against harm.

    The only way to end theft is to abolish poverty. The only way to end sexual assault and rape is to treat each other as equals and demand consent in all things.

    Liked by 3 people

    • “Carrying a weapon is dangerous. It is not a guarantee against harm.”

      As someone who has been violently raped by strangers I carry. Why? Because death is preferable to rape and I will kill or die before I am a victim again. My gun has never been drawn in self defense but it was once flashed to a creepy guy who was getting to close for comfort. He ran asshole over elbows away from me and never returned.

      Carrying a weapon without the knowledge of how to us it is stupidity at it’s worst. That is why I’ve taken classes, I shot often for practice and I’ve always hunted.

      Carrying a weapon and believing it alone give you power is the very definition of stupid. If you carry and draw your weapon be ready to use that weapon, understand what that means and most of all know when that type of force is needed and justified. This can only be achieved with training.

      But merely carrying is not dangerous in and of itself. Carrying and not knowing when, how and where to use it is dangerous. Without knowledge and will a weapon means nothing and may prove more dangerous than helpful.

      But if you can ask yourself this question “Am I willing to kill if I must to protect myself?” and the answer is honestly yes then the next question is “Do I know when that level of force is required?” and if that answer is honestly yes then you are safer to carry. For me both those answers are solidly a yes. I know when and where and I am willing to kill to not be a victim ever again.

      Like

    • Thanks Madalyn. I wish I had been as informed and as articulate as you are when I was your age. That’s not patronising it’s just how I feel.

      Anyway. I think part of the issue is that it is played down for so many reasons. What is the point of going to the police and saying, some random stranger groped/assaulted me. No, I didn’t get a detailed description I was too freaked out that his hands were round my breasts, arse, vagina. And wondered what was coming next.

      What would a report achieve anyway? Look at what rape victims go through proving they have been raped? I mean, really.

      Escalation is a valid point. You can read advice coming out of wherever. Just punch him? Really? Or just submit? It shouldn’t be happening in the first place, but it is so patronising for men to tell women how to deal with it. Over on violetwisps, dpmonahan was advocating physical violence against molesters. Something tells me these men have never, but never, but sexually assaulted.

      We (me and partner) were discussing crime and poverty today and said exactly that.

      The only way to end sexual assault and rape is to abolish patriarchy.

      Like

  7. Hariod Brawn says:

    The sociological perspective is all very well and, of course, is entirely valid as a partial analysis. We can educate the world about the ubiquity of patriarchal societies and how that must be corrected ’til the cows come home. We certainly should do that – no argument there. Yet it won’t address the first or primary cause of rape, which is a matter of the mind, not the body, and not any warped social or cultural paradigm.

    The frighteningly frequent incidence of rape occurrence across the world is inextricably bound-up with psychopathy. If there were no psychopaths, then there would be no rape. The fact is, there are an awful lot of psychopaths in the world. Many say rape is fundamentally about control, yet virtually everyone wants control; it’s hardwired in varying degrees. The healthy individual knows the boundaries of where they can impose any desired control; the psychopath does not.

    Victim blaming is utterly misguided and can only be engaged by those with a facile and warped appreciation of the matter. As far as rape of women is concerned, then victim blaming is almost certainly irrevocably bound-up with misogyny in my view – another matter requiring a constant and vigilant education amongst men, and the converse with regard to misandry and women of course.

    The issue remains, what to do about all the psychopaths? Well, we could perhaps give them high positions in public office and then at least we will know where they are, and they’ll be more readily accountable to the law; surely that must be so mustn’t it? Oh, I forgot, we already did that, we voted the psychopaths into public office and yet still it didn’t stop them: http://www.exaronews.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  8. EllaDee says:

    I don’t need to tell you what I think about victim blaming do I? People say the most ridiculous things.
    Abolish patriarchy? If you’re going to aim, you might as well aim high.

    Like

  9. Sonel says:

    Whatever the case, no one should ever want to or should rape a man or a woman. Same with abuse. People do those type of things because they want to, not because they found an excuse or because ‘a little voice in their head’ told them to. There are some evil bastards in this world of ours and all we can do is to be vigilant.

    Great post Kate. ๐Ÿ˜€ โ™ฅ

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Sonel. It’s nice to hide away in our castles, but truth is I think we should all speak out against any type of oppression and abuse, and show our support in that way ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

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