The blogging circuit – and rape

I never fail to be surprised by two anomalies in the blogging world.

Maybe anomalies is the wrong word, contradictions may be better.

On the one hand, there is the six degrees of separation theory, ie that people can connect to each other around the world through mutual contacts. I think that’s a bit far-fetched. But the world of blogging is extremely small, despite the millions of bloggers out there.

Go to a blog you visit regularly and you will invariably find a comment by someone else whose blog you regularly visit. That’s fairly obvious, so I’m not presenting it as some stunning original scientific fact.

We all read comments on other peoples’ blogs and if they pique our interest we travel over to read the new blog. Or we look at someone’s blogroll, if they have one. I have one on roughseas. I’ve always had one ever since I started blogging (nearly six years ago) so it’s hard to get out of the habit.

Back then, it was pretty courteous and de rigeur to include a blogroll of visitors, and blogs I visited. Less people seem to do it these days. It strikes me as vaguely arrogant that people don’t have one, says me merrily while out of my five blogs only two have a blogroll. Roughseas and the dogblog. But that’s because you can all link to roughseas from any of the others πŸ™‚

So, here we all are in this small circle of blogs, often reading comments by people we ‘know’ on similar blogs. I can only think of a few bloggers who visit mine, and vice versa, who don’t seem to be in the same network.

At university I would never sit with the same people all the time in the refectory. I enjoyed mixing with different groups of people, different individuals and not hearing all the same conversation all the time from a limited circuit.

The only time I have ever stayed within a closed group was at an Open University course where our assigned group immediately gelled and we couldn’t get enough of each other. Even the tutors were surprised and said they had never seen a group of people mix together so well and so quickly. We ate, drank, and worked together after class hours. There were no arguments. In terms of forming, norming, storming, we jumped from forming straight to performing.

Pretty rare for me, as I am not a groupie person, but even I enjoyed the team mix. The only exception to that was on the last night, when we all just drifted apart. Maybe because it was the end of the course. So when my best pals had all disappeared I did my usual trick of mixing with total strangers who kindly all bought me drinks for some bizarre reason. This was an MBA course and there was one hell of a lot of men and not many women. I went to bed at 3am and rang my partner to tell him I was totally rat-arsed. He laughed.

Back to blogging and mixing in our small circles. If we drift over to someone’s blog, based on a comment they have made, or a listing on a blogroll, how often does that actually resonate with us?

I visit some great blogs, of vastly differing styles and subjects, and that’s part of the enjoyment of blogging. But when I visit the ones on their blogroll, or their regular commenters, I’m left, well, empty. I wonder why these blogs that I like so much, that I regularly check out, visit these other blogs – and promote them because they find them so interesting – while I find them dull, boring, or just lacking. (I’m sure the same could be said for my blogroll and my blog, although clearly I don’t think that).

In truth, I haven’t found any new blogs for a while. People (interesting ones) have found me, goodness knows from where. Well, I know where Pink found me from because he said so, after I shot my mouth off elsewhere and was accused of trolling, but that’s old hat now. But maybe it is relevant, because he’s not the only one who has found me because I have disagreed with a blog post or something on the Daily Post.

I don’t do it to be controversial or to get attention. I do it because I don’t agree with what someone has written. In fact, I didn’t comment on the last appalling Daily Post selection of ‘Why we Freshly Pressed this banal drivel about an ex-husband, god, cancer, alcoholism, and three kids standing around the bedside while daddy dies.’

Sure, I then wrote a blog post about god but there are only so many times I can tell the Daily Post that the blog posts they choose to FP are crap. I’ve even been asked to email the staff to say why I think X’s post is crap. I’ve done it once, but I have better things to do than to keep mailing them saying why their choices are sheer rubbish.

And if I was ever Freshly Pressed I would probably wonder what was wrong with my blog and not use the logo anyway, because I don’t need validation from someone else.

I read and comment on good, interesting, thought-provoking, personal, well-presented blogs. That can range from a student in India to an ex-pat in whatever continent to someone who lives where I used to live.

[Polite request, I would really like those of you who write in long paragraphs to shorten them. Thank you. Short paragraphs are much easier to read.]

But that still leaves me with the fact that I am fascinated that good/great bloggers read blogs which leave me cold. I can understand that we all have different points of view. Eg, I am not going to read a blog that does nothing apart from write about how great god is, rules our lives, and women shouldn’t have abortions. Nor am I going to waste my time reading a recipe blog that keeps telling me how to cook wonderful meat dishes (I can do that anyway, I just choose not to). Someone who writes about cooking microwaved meals from the supermarket and watches soap operas and tells me what they ate for breakfast doesn’t do it either.

I’m not giving examples of good blogs I read, who read blogs I consider to be poor, because I don’t think it is helpful. For once I don’t want to piss people off. However when I read a good blog, ie well-written, maybe some decent photos – preferably taken by them and not internettedly acquired – and thoughtful, I expect to find them reading the same.

Alas, that doesn’t work out. For at least 50% of the time.

Anyway, for those of you who want to read about more serious things, how about 20 rapes in five weeks in an Indian province?

Thanks to marculyseas for writing serious posts while the rest of us (ie me) contemplate our blogging navels. I like wittering on about blogging but, but, I would really appreciate people being more interested in these issues.

If you click on the link and read the post, you will see that the solution to rape is to lower the age of marriage. Of course! The best way to stop 6-year-olds being raped by men is to lower the age of marriage. Possibly to marry 6-year-old girls, and commit rape and paedophilia all within the sanctity of the law.

The best way to stop men raping women is for men to stop doing it. Or is that too difficult?

From wiki: marriagable ages in India –

21 for males and 18 for females. If any partner(s) engages in marriage at a younger age, (s)he can ask for the marriage to be declared void / annulled. A recent recommendation by the Law Commission aims to equalize the marriage age for males and females to 18, Official policy automatically declares marriages under 16 as “null and void”, while marriages at the age of 16 or 17 are “voidable”. In 2012, high court has declared that Muslim women can marry at 15. Additionally, the report declares that “In spite of these legal provisions, child marriage is still widely practiced and a marriage solemnized in contravention of these provisions is not void even under the new PCMA, 1929, the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 and also under the Muslim Law.

And why can Muslim ‘women’ marry at 15 might I ask? Oh, so men can’t rape them?

Most countries specify the age of marriage at 18, and 16 with parental consent and sometimes court permission. What on earth is with Muslim girls, GIRLS, I might add, gaining exception to the law? Because this isn’t about Muslim girls at all, it is about Muslim men. Wanting under-age sex.

Should you find this rather too difficult to absorb, you can always comment on the blogging circuit issues I wrote about. Much easier than discussing rape and the legal age of marriage, and then going off to stick our heads in the sand. Because we really can’t do anything about it anyway, can we?


About roughseasinthemed

I write about my life as an English person living in Spain and Gibraltar, on Roughseas, subjects range from politics and current developments in Gib to book reviews, cooking and getting on with life. My views and thoughts on a variety of topics - depending on my mood of the day - can be found over on Clouds. A few pix are over on Everypic - although it is not a photoblog. And of course my dog had his own blog, but most of you knew that anyway. Pippadogblog etc
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25 Responses to The blogging circuit – and rape

  1. kdawikstrom says:

    Interesting read!


  2. Vicky says:

    It is going to be a long time before men (obviously not all) lose the idea that it is their god given right that they are superior to women, and that we are their ‘play things’.
    Hmmm, I wonder where they get this idea?………..we’re back to the old ‘god’ thing again, as I certainly don’t think religion promotes equality.
    That poor afghan schoolgirl springs to mind too. Shot in the head for campaigning for the right to education for girls.

    A comment on blogging, now seems trivial, though I will say, there are only a few I read and comment on, there are probably many more out there that would interest me, but I don’t want to spend all my ‘time rich’ time looking for them πŸ˜‰


    • Malala Yousafzai is an excellent example. (I assume that’s who you mean). Women’s rights are going backwards. It is as simple as that. And why? Am I less intelligent than the average man in the street? Bollocks! And whether I am or not doesn’t – or shouldn’t detract from my rights to equality.

      As for blogging, I find a few, a few find me. That’s good enough. Right now, I have enough interesting blogs to read who are responsive enough to reply on mine. I don’t want hundreds of comments because a) I can’t reply to them all and b) it is boring as shit for everyone else to scroll down through them.

      There endeth the rules on blogging according to K.


      • Vicky says:

        Yes, Malala Yousakzai is the girl I meant, sorry for not adding her name.

        As you rightly say, intelligence shouldn’t have anything to do with equality.
        There are just as many un-intelligent men as there are Intelligent women, the problem is, the intelligent women are less likely to be able to put it into practice.

        We are supposed to be born equal, but if that is true, why, to this day, do some folk keep trying until they get the boychild they yearn for.


        • I added her name for clarification.
          I read an interesting post today about how women don’t do dangerous jobs. About how many women are not mechanics. How many women don’t change the stop light in their Disco. (OK so it didn’t say that). I will save my gender quality post for later.


  3. pinkagendist says:

    Yes, I’m up early. Business meeting at noon. My format doesn’t let me have a blog roll. It only gives me one extra page. I kind of like that because I can mention people as I go. Had I had a blog roll there would have been many an awkward moment when I thought: ‘after reading that I can’t possibly leave this person on the list.’
    In regards to rape, I think there’s a lot that MUST be done. Not too long ago I read an AI poll that said 26% of British men believe that a woman wearing revealing clothing makes her ‘partially or totally responsible for being raped’…


    • Same time as yesterday isn’t it? I’ve worked out your early times are something after 11am. Which is a nuisance when I get up around 6am and you aren’t around to interest me.

      Your format is a bit like one of the old blogger ones. Not saying you are old-fashioned or anything πŸ˜€

      My blogroll is no endorsement of who/what I read. Just some I have read, and in many cases still do. I probably disagree with something that 90% of people on my blogroll have written, but if I was to include a blog roll of people whose views I agreed with, it would be extremely short.

      For example, yours, for use of sexist language eg ladies as a patriarchal patronising term for women, and cunt for an abusive one, that is demeaning to women. I’ve only used your blog as an example because you are grown-up enough to handle it and presumably won’t go off crying. If I used others they might.

      I also read something recently about wearing provocative clothing, blah boring blah. So if I go to a nudist beach, am I asking to be raped? I don’t think so. I am lying in the sun and enjoying the warmth on my body. I choose not to wear skimpy clothing these days, but that is down to the fact that a) I live in the sun b) my body is no-one else’s business and c) even when it is all out on the beach it is still no one else’s business.


  4. Your last sentence sums up my painful feelings about the second subject. Sometimes I feel that if I write about the awful things, it might help to shed light on them, but lately it feels futile and just takes away from important projects and things I need to do to get to a better place.

    As for the first subject, I’ve noticed that, too. I’ve spent the longest times trying to find something that grabs me on some blogs that friends have on their blogrolls, only to find post after post that I can’t get into. Makes me wonder what they’d think of mine if they visited.

    There are two other sides of this as far as I can see. The first is that some people are so nice that they’re on the blogroll simply because of that.

    For the second, I’ll use my SIS blog as an example. I practice my writing skills in a lot of my posts, so I write many of them as if I’m building a story. That sort of slow build could appear to be navel-gazing if it’s scanned, especially if the post is about sadness or frustrations with life or a simple snowfall. That could turn people off. Then there are my humor pieces like the ones about my ‘crushes’ on William H. Macy or Mark Addy. Folks who land on those might think I’m not only not funny, but that I’m vacuous. Then there’s yesterday’s post on crochet. Someone surely rolled their eyes at that. πŸ™‚ Sometimes I wish I could give a new reader a guided tour tailored to their specific tastes first (just in case they might like my writing after all) before they run into one of my depressed posts (or wacky ones) and run for the hills. πŸ™‚

    This reminds me that I need to do some work on my blogroll. I don’t like the looks of it on the sidebar, but the last time I tried to put it someplace else so it wouldn’t matter how long it was, I got brain-freeze and nothing worked. Maybe I’ll wrestle with it this weekend.


    • I can’t keep writing about shit in the world all the time – but sometimes I have to, and these rapes and the proposed change in law merit a post.

      I write about the blog network because it is interesting. I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t find something of interest.

      Blogrolls are difficult. Most of mine are on there because I do read them. If I was seriously honest, you are right, I would delete some. Nice me πŸ˜€

      I’ve not read your humour pieces. You know I love the fiction. I don’t crochet but I admire the art.

      Leave the blogroll alone this weekend. Just have a good time because that’s what I’m planning.


  5. free penny press says:

    This is too crazy, as in coincidental. I am doing a post later today on something relative to your post.
    Until then, I will say I personally don’t do “Blog Rolls’ because what I find interesting others may say, “Huh?”..There are so many ways we are connected here in the world of blogging and I have my personal picks of bloggers (you being one of them) that I always enjoy reading.

    If I can add, FP photography posts should never have Internet based pictures..That seems a bit like a shortcut..just my thoughts.


    • It’s been one of those thoughts that has been puzzling me for ages. I read blogs that I think are seriously good and they read blogs that *I* consider rubbish. That doesn’t mean they are, but the disparity in tastes never fails to amaze me. “huh?” sums it up.

      I am pleased (for you) that you were FP’d. I don’t need WP to tell me you have a good blog though πŸ˜€

      I take it your post is about blogging and not rape? Either way, I’ll be over for a read.


  6. Pingback: Sorry, Kate! Offence, the C word, language, imbecility and hypocrisy. « The Pink Agendist

  7. marculyseas says:

    Thank you for mentioning my blog post. πŸ™‚


  8. EllaDee says:

    That you can state the truth and the obvious and the known re the issues of rape yet there is no tangible solution just frustrates the hell out of me, that people who have power get what they want no matter how wrong or immoral or illegal it is. I’m not sure what the hell can be done about it & so many other injustices, and if I think about it too much, it depresses and demotivates me. I hope the facilitators and perpetrators get the come uppance they surely have coming to them, in this life or the next.

    And, blogging community – you know I love it and never have enough hours in the day to explore all the wonderful blogs that the wonderful bloggers I follow, follow. As for the ones that don’t gel, well that’s a bit like life, I don’t always find my friends friends interesting, and there are a few (both WP & life) that I just think WTF.

    I also share your feelings re bloggers’ own photos and long paragraphs but each to their own. I don’t make the rules. Given my lack of time I tend to focus on bloggy posts and not the challenge posts, if you know what I mean, although I’ve enjoyed your Animal posts, so there are exceptions of course.


    • What stunned me about M’s post was the number of rapes in a short period of time in one part of India. But lowering the age of marriage to prevent rape? There’s always a fuss about decriminalising marijuana, but it’s ok to lower the age of marriage and therefore by default decriminalise rape. FFS.

      I wish the bloggers I really like (that includes you!!) would write more frequently and then I would have lots of interesting blogs to read when I wake up. I seriously struggle to find ones that I like, which was what provoked the post.

      Internet photos are impersonal. A blog is personal.

      The two don’t combine. Long paragraphs are hard to read and switch people off. The same applies to long sentences. Not exactly rocket science. (use of appalling clichΓ© there).

      I keep away from challenges as a rule, but the animals one appealed to me. I’m doing the photo silhouettes one because I have some photos that mean something to me, so they will end up on Everypic with a brief story. Not as nice as donkeys of course.


  9. This post is yet another example of why I enjoy your blog. Your passion and ability to cut the chase and give readers a shake up. Thank you. I think the rape of children and women has become more public property (for want of a better term) over recent years. People are starting to speak out about it when before it was just swept under the carpet. This doesn’t mean people are listening sadly. To me it’s like a world wide “what happens in *insert country name*, stays in *country name* mentality.
    If you haven’t already seen/read it I highly recommend a book called “Because I Am A Girl”published through Vintage Books London. It was published in 2010 to raise awareness but I’m not sure how successful it was. Proceeds from its sale were to go to Plan, a child-centred community development organisation. It’s compelling reading even thou it torn my heart out at times.


    • Thanks Jillian. My words are not really thought through – I just type them out and they appear. There is no fine-tuning, and I always miss at least one thing in proof-reading.

      But in terms of rape, which I guess is what you are referring to, we don’t stop women wearing short skirts, low cut tops, or as happens in Spain, wandering around the town in bikins, we stop men raping women. How difficult is that to work out? You would need an IQ of less than a zombie with a mental deficiency not to work that one out. That is not, I hasten to add, to denigrate anyone with mental illness, but it is to say that anyone, anywhere, who thinks women ask to be raped is a total tosser. And that legalising a lower age of marriage to prevent rape is just as stupid.

      I might write about emotive topics, but oddly I can’t read about them. It really freaks me out. We do a book share with a neighbour, by which I mean he gives us books and we pass them elsewhere, and one was about a girl who had been sexually abused in social care and I just couldn’t read it. I know it goes on. I don’t want to read about it. I will write about it though when I see ridiculous statements such as how to reduce rape when it doesn’t involve telling men to stop raping women and girls – or men and boys.


      • There are a lot of tossers out there who want to place the blame on someone else because they don’t want to be responsible for their actions. Blaming clothing etc is just an opportunity to run interference and divert attention from the fact THEY are the problem.

        Trust me, the biggest lie they tell themselves is it can’t be rape if it is within a marriage – hell I’ve heard that line myself. Doesn’t matter if the law or even in the eyes of (whatever) god it’s okay to have sex, it’s up to both individuals. A marriage license isn’t a license to treat someone badly, demoralise and devalue them. Even religious marriage services include love and honour (obey has pretty much been dropped – I hope). There is no honour in marital rape. Marrying them younger just means they know no better, are a less likely to argue and are easier to control.

        Oops, I’ve got to be careful or I’ll fall off my soapbox. Sorry.


        • *Reaches out a hand to stop the fall*

          Actually I did think about your previous post, and hoped I hadn’t said anything to upset you on this one.

          I think it is fairly obvious that sex should be mutually consensual. Apparently not. What also racks me off, to go slightly off topic, is the concept that contraception is solely a woman’s responsibility. I read that utter trite shite the other day on someone’s blog. If two people have sex, then they are both responsible for contraception. To me.


          • Don’t worry, I don’t upset easy these days. πŸ™‚

            Contraception responsibility? We go back to the old belief that women can do more than one thing at a time unlike males. I don’t mean to offend any men out there but really, it’s a blood flow problem when it comes to sex for males.

            The blood that normally is sent to their brains is channelled to, let say to be polite, lower places to make that work. Not as much blood, if any, flows to the big brain because the little one has taken it all and therefore taken charge of all actions there after.

            My ex use to say, and please pardon the crudity,”a standing prick has no conscience”. Sadly it is possibly one of the very few statements he ever made that was true.

            Sorry if I sound like a man hater, I’m not. (I’m going to cop flack for this I just know it)


          • I tend to think the old belief is more on the lines of ‘they get pregnant, I don’t, so not my problem.’

            I decided in my exceedingly naive youth, that I would know a decent man when he said BEFORE sex, ‘what shall we do about contraception/are you on the pill?’ etc

            If you can stop yourself laughing, you will not be surprised that I didn’t find said man.

            Anyway, you gave me a laugh this Sunday morning – and my partner, who decided to clear off to the shops before I read out any more πŸ˜€

            I doubt you will get any flack on here. Most people know what to expect! And as you say, it’s true.


          • In reference to the naive youth, we are all allowed to live in hope. πŸ™‚

            You should have known me when I was in the divorce period of my life. I had a thousand theories like this one. πŸ˜‰


          • I learned my lesson with that theory. It would be nice if it happened but there is real life and cuckoo-land. So I bought condoms/went on the pill.


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