A little light relief is called for in the form of my job interview.
Little being the operative word, as in a very little time was spent on it. Some of you may remember my previous post on roughseas where I completed TWELVE PAGES of dead trees, including my spelling test details from Lower Transition, submitted my school photos, and everything else under the sun. Oh and a two and a bit page covering letter and a one and a bit page CV. Couldn’t reduce them further 😦
Well that was all a waste of time. Certainly took longer than today’s interview.
‘Why do you want this job?’
I think it would be really interesting, fascinating blah blah and It’s the best paid job I’ve seen advertised in Gib for my skills, why do you think?
‘Do you have experience as a newspaper journalist?’
FFS. I understand the concept of asking questions so the candidate can amplify their CV – but a yes/no question about a CV that endlessly bleats on about print journalism leaves one a tad disillusioned.
How tempted was I to say – I refer you to my CV. Or, have you read my CV? Or, why am I here?
‘Have you dealt with journalists?’
No. I’m not one so clearly I haven’t. I wasn’t a government press officer either.
‘Oh!! A government press officer!! Which one?’
‘No which department?’
Whereupon someone else who was trying to read my CV spotted the health authority and helpfully mentioned that.
No, I sighed, the Health and Safety Executive. Not the same as the NHS.
I tell you when I interviewed people, at least I had in my head who the hell they had worked for. Maybe that’s because I was considering employing them.
‘Have you organised a press conference?’
No, I was a government press officer and an NHS PR manager and we never organised press conferences.
And the one I knew was coming. Remember this is Gibraltar and I do not have a Gibbo name.
‘Y lo apprendiste aqui?’
(for purists out there I’ve been too idle to add the accents)
‘Non, en inglaterra y en españa, donde tenemos una pequena finca.’
And the transation goes – do you speak spanish, yes of course, did you learn it here, no in England and in Spain where we have a small finca.
‘Do you understand the local political situation?’
Well, how the hell do you answer that one?
‘With Spain, the border, the frontier queues…’
Yes, I have a pequeña finca in Spain so I understand that.
I read the news, I replied, feeling my way on this one.
‘The Chronicle? Panorama?’
And Vox I added. And the government press releases and official notices. (How else would I have applied for this job that I never saw in the job centre?)
I threw what little caution I had to the winds.
~ Do you mean all the backbiting?~
I received a gracious acknowledgement that I vaguely understood the local political situation.
Meanwhile the clock on the wall was stuck.
Oh, I forgot to say when I arrived I thought I was triple booked. Two other guys in front of me waiting for interviews, one at 12.15 and one at 12.30. Turned out to be customs posts. I was called in early.
I can see why. Ten minutes in and they had done with me.
Did I want to add anything or suggest some questions they should have asked? No, but I thought I would interrogate them for ten minutes and waste their time as they had wasted my morning.
I did raise a laugh though.
~ How many press officers do you have?~ [to the media director]
‘Just me.’ [That might explain a lot]
~You need some help~
With which I concluded their interview.
Golden rule for interviews that I always forget, remember to explain the obvious.
The showerhead bust and the lightbulb in the bathroom went too. I forgot to add that. Just as well I wasn’t putting on make-up.
Jennifer Lopez – Qué hiciste – What did you do
Because I love this song and sometimes thinking, speaking, singing, and dancing in Spanish is easier.