Falling off the end

Sometimes it is easier that way. Although it isn’t always even intentional.

People just do fall off the end however, perhaps even moreso in our increasingly busy computerised lives.

Some years ago I received a card from a former work colleague. It may have been one of the years when I was uncharacteristically sending Christmas cards. (Also known as holiday cards).

She informed me that her daughter was getting married, and that she had the big dilemma of what to wear as Mother of the Bride, and even worse – what hat to buy?

I started writing back but never finished the email. One day I looked at the calendar and realised the wedding had happened. Ooops, time for a congratulatory mail.

I started that one too, and …. well, it didn’t get finished either.

The next year I wondered if I should write and pass on my congratulations to her daughter on her first wedding anniversary. I didn’t of course, well maybe I started the mail but ….

It must be five years since now. My friend is probably a grandmother once or twice over and the couple could even be divorced. Who knows?

But it is a good example of my point. Here is someone that I knew, worked with for eight years, who not only took the trouble to write to me, when she came to Spain on a short break, we met up with her and her partner. Why did I never send that mail? Why was it so difficult to write? Or is it because once we lose touch with each other, there is nothing to say?

Moving around the place all the time, changing jobs, changing life leads to losing contact with people.

Regular readers will know I am still in touch with my university friends. With whom I have absolutely nothing in common any more except we spent three years together and enjoyed each others’ company. I’ve stayed with all of them, even on my last trip to the UK.

Contact is down to once a year at Christmas. A letter from one, a card from another, and an email on some insignificant day say Dec 28 or 29 from the other.

That last email was one from my ‘best friend’ at university if one has ‘best friends’ at university. Her email included a photo of a dog struggling to escape from her arms. They now have two dogs apparently – working cocker spaniels.

Now, unless I have missed something, working cocker spaniels hunt. As do the people who own them. Her partner got into fishing some years ago. It seems they have gone for the full-blown country gentry image and are into hunting, shooting as well as the fishing. I could be wrong of course. But I’m not sure I want to find out.

Sometime it feels as though I have more in common with people I have met on the internet. Preferably the ones who are eccentric and opinionated.

Even some of those fall off the end.

Very few of my former blogging contacts have followed me over to wordpress, it’s all too difficult. Which either says a lot about my blogs or my blogging contacts.

I have to admire one blog author I’ve met on wordpress. She has systematically cut all contact with one person she knows because she wanted to end their ‘friendship’, including deleting all mails, ‘phone contacts, and blocking the other person from contacting her. I think that takes a lot of strength of mind.

It’s not something I could do. I know, because once I tried, and either my insatiable curiosity couldn’t handle it, or I felt guilty in case I was being too harsh. That’s why it’s easier I guess when we all fall off the end, no hard feelings, no angry words, just …. a void.

Unintentional? Too many other pressures? Or – no longer anything in common? A bit like my hunting, shooting, fishing friend from the county set.

Sometimes though, after you are left looking at the damp squib that has fizzled out, you wonder if you should have made more effort. And tried to hang onto – what?

It’s very much a here today and gone tomorrow life.

About roughseasinthemed

I write about my life as an English person living in Spain and Gibraltar, on Roughseas, subjects range from politics and current developments in Gib to book reviews, cooking and getting on with life. My views and thoughts on a variety of topics - depending on my mood of the day - can be found over on Clouds. A few pix are over on Everypic - although it is not a photoblog. And of course my dog had his own blog, but most of you knew that anyway. Pippadogblog etc
This entry was posted in animal rights, blogging, dogs, friendships, life, musings, thoughts, work, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Falling off the end

  1. Vicky says:

    I think a lot is to do with the type of person we are. Social types are more inclined to keep in touch with past friends, whereas loners are not.


    • That’s really interesting because you will have worked out I am the latter πŸ˜‰

      And yet, apart from the example I have quoted above, (the Mother of the Bride), it’s normally been my reply that has been the last one. What does that say about my writing skills? πŸ˜€ Although, when I received some letters telling me about their shopping (eg the Metro Centre was busy) and their cute new cats and it was wet in the garden, I have to say I may possibly not have replied to those. At the time, I was writing about my trip through France, Spain, Portugal, living in the villa from hell, the finca that turned out not to be and somehow shopping in Gateshead, cute new kittens and wet gardens left me feeling somewhat alienated from a previous life.

      I like to muse on these things occasionally. It comes of being a loner.


    • Kyanite Blue says:

      Very good point – guess my attitude comes from being a loner & like Kate an only child!


  2. free penny press says:

    Oh I can so relate to this post..25 yrs ago when I left home to join the Army I left behind all of my good friends.Never knowing when I left, I would actually be leaving them forever.I do miss the contact at times with them for they are the ones who knew me when. I too have started so many letters, emails, calls and never follow through.
    Cutting that person off was the most liberating thing I have done for myself since I left home. The negativity would have surely drowned me. Sink or swim was my attitude..


    • I thought that was an amazing blog post of yours and I hope you didn’t mind me mentioning it, but it has really stuck with me.
      You have reminded me too, that there is a follow-up post to this one about blasts from the past. I think we all need to move on though, and accept our life as it is and not through those rosy glasses.


  3. Kyanite Blue says:

    This really really resonates with me, as I’ve more than once drifted apart from a close friend.
    Like you, I’ve let friendships go, even chosen too!
    Often because our respective interests, lives had moved on, and I was too lazy to make the effort to sustain the old connection etc.
    But I do firmly believe that many friends have their own particular time & place in ones life, and eventually it runs out, as has happened recently re H.


  4. Rather sad this but so true. I have been completely hopeless at retaining contacts and keeping in touch with people. Every time I left a job or moved house I promised to keep in touch but never did. A couple of years ago my best man at my wedding died and I realised that I hadn’t seen him for 20 years or so and what made this worse that in 1978 I considered him to be such an important friend I asked him to be my best man! I left my last job 12 months ago & this time am making a special effort to keep in touch – I am meeting old friends for lunch tomorrow (after work!)


    • Not so much sad but acceptance.
      There are some people who I have met recently on the internet that I would like to keep in touch with. I won’t lose sleep if it doesn’t work out, and hope they won’t either.
      But hey, have a great lunch and a good day at the office πŸ™‚


  5. EllaDee says:

    So long as you are happy in yourself it doesn’t matter. I’ve given up on should. Sometimes I keep in touch, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s all the time, sometimes it takes a long time. I was googling for the the right words of a sappy quote about people being in your life for a day or a lifetime… whatever, and found this, which I much prefer β€œYou can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f@#k on.”


    • Kb said above something about every friend having their time and place which I liked.

      I think moving on is good, and that’s my normal approach. I do have bouts of nostalgia occasionally though. Doesn’t last too long though πŸ˜€


  6. rebekah says:

    This resonated with me, like so many others here. Being a loner, an ‘almost only child’ [have a brother who is ten years my senior … felt like being an only child].

    I tried to move to Blogger at one point, but that didn’t work … for the same reasons. Too difficult.


    • Hi Reb, thanks for this. Being an only child, or an almost only one is a strange feeling that you can’t express to someone else.
      Have a browse around the friendship category if you have time, but no need to comment, some are poems and some are stories.

      Blogger, I loved it until it started to mess me about. WP does that too, but at least it hasn’t disabled my account. Yet.


      • rebekah says:

        Will do.
        I rather liked Blogger, because it was free of charge to customise it as I wanted. Didn’t get any ‘followers’ though. It was too difficult.


      • I loved being able to customise my Blogger blogs at the time – until they changed it.

        At one point I had some regular readers, mainly via my dog’s blog though. Far better with WP for all its faults.


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