I suppose I should have called this ten top tips to successful blog posts or recommended crap like that. Or maybe ten top tips to pissing people off. That’s more like it.
Anyway, back to note to all bloggers.
1) If you are flogging property, art, some silly scam, and you follow me, don’t expect me to follow you back.
2) If you don’t do those things and follow me, don’t expect me to follow you back unless I think your blog is interesting.
3) Equally, just because I follow your blog doesn’t mean you have to return the favour. If you do, thanks.
4) Please don’t write things like this: My husband and I are both vegetarians (he eats fish still though). Factually inaccurate. Your fish-eating husband is NOT vegetarian. Yawn.
5) Oh, I have to get to ten don’t I? Ok, please don’t write up your latest personal revelation whatever it may be, as though it is the discovery of the decade, century, millennium. Some of us have been around through two centuries and millennia and find that shite boring.
6) This is for the attention of WordPress, not just bloggers. How on earth do you choose your freshly pressed (FP) blogs? I read a seriously ill-informed and no more than aerated fluffy post that was FP, while another excellent one on the same topic (no, not mine), just disappeared into the ether. Move up a gear WP.
7) Back to bloggers. Just ‘cos you click on my like thing, doesn’t mean I will do the same if I don’t like your post. Actually I would rather comment. I would rather you do the same. Mindless clicking of ‘likes’ is not particularly satisfying. I mean thanks to those of you who take the time to click ‘like’ cos it’s better than nothing. Bigger thanks to those of you who take time to write.
8) Getting there, ie to ten. Please check out the blogs without comments, that aren’t on other blogrolls, don’t have accolades and all the rest. There are some great ones out there that aren’t visited enough. Stop hanging onto people’s apron strings and have the conviction to visit and comment on decent sites, not just FP ones, or allegedly popular ones to try and boost your own rankings. Everyone has to start somewhere. (Loses a few more followers here).
9) Back to followers. When I get to 2304847294 followers no doubt I will post that one up on my blog. Otherwise? Who gives a toss how many followers you have?
10) Don’t follow the top ten tips. Mine or anyone else’s. Do you really have to be such a lemming that you need to do what everyone else tells you all the time? If you need prompts, instructions, and the security net of hundreds of followers – you should probably be tweeting. Oh wait, you are. Even if you might be thinking about deleting your FB account.
* I forgot the boring memes. Seriously. Unless you are within a given circle of cliquey pals, they are boring as hell.
** Even worse, are those questions that you ask at the end of your blog post to try and draw people in. Don’t. It looks so contrived, and as though you have been on the WordPress A to Z course of blogging. If you have raised interesting points that resonate with people they will comment. Maybe.
*** Awards? I won’t even go there.