Two simple words. They used to mean a lot to me. It was nice to wake up in the morning and read the email that said ‘night’. And then, later on, when you finally woke up – to get the one that said ‘morning’.
Once, long ago, when we fell out – as we did with such regularity – I asked you to at least keep sending me those mails. It was nice to know you were there, even if we’d stopped any other communication.
We didn’t fall out for long though, you always made me laugh and whatever it was got put behind us. (Well, most of the time).
But things always change, and so they did with us. Our disagreements and fall-outs seemed to become more serious. The unpleasant words we exchanged were cruel and unkind – on both sides. Worse, it felt as though we both meant what we wrote.
Innocent comments were misinterpreted. We both looked for, and found, insults and sarcasm where it was never intended. And when, in the early days, it was always me who stormed off in a huff, increasingly you started to say you didn’t want to continue.
Then there was the time when you said it would have to be something big for you to stop keeping in touch – but you didn’t know what that was. Me, I just said I thought we would fizzle out really with too many arguments.
What was it about that last day? Or that last week even? I don’t know.
But you ridiculed something I liked – the morning greeting. And then you ridiculed me.
That last insult from you was truly disgusting. If it was remotely accurate then it was grossly insensitive to have said it. If it wasn’t then it was still abusive and disrespectful to people who have to cope with a horrible illness.
Every other time we have fallen out I always had regrets, maybe not the first or the second day, but in the end I liked to remember the good times. There is so much sadness and unpleasantness around that it seems silly to fall out with someone you like.
The truth is that this time though, I am left with a nasty smell under my nose. You obviously had no intention of ever getting in touch again. But you could have done it in a less obnoxious way.
It’s not been too good a year. And on top of all the important damaging problems I’ve had, I believed someone’s empty and meaningless words.
Day 1, Week 3.